dammit...

So I was pretty sure that I had "found myself" as my mother likes to say. However, it was a false alarm, I am still lost and awandering. I know what I want to be when I grow up, that is the easy part. Pediatric clinical pharmacist, just in case you are wondering. The hard, lost part is who I want to be, who do I aspire to portray, what makes me smile on the inside, why do I like being alone for the most part, why am I so fricking stubborn, why am I afraid to let people in...there are lots of why's in there. I don't have the answers to those. It is imperative that I find the answers to them. So for now the plan is to well...find myself! Am I up for this journey? I thought I was done with this or did I think that Johnny was going to help me. Either way I was wrong. The finding was just beginning, it took me 3 years the last time, why did I think it was going to be shorter this time. He is the cat's pajamas but I don't have the right sized cat. I am sorry. I really enjoy his company, but I don't think we like each other the same way, I don't think we want the same thing. Maybe we were meant to meet in a few years, maybe we were meant to become great friends, maybe...maybe...maybe...???....
I aspire to be a great writer, a great clinician, a great photographer, a great person, a mom, a wife, a grandma, a neighbor, speaker of the house, a sailor, a world traveler with my mom and auntie c, a wine taster...
Can I have fun for the rest of my life at the rate I do now? I'll let you know in 75 years!
Wish me luck on my journey...