mmmm....airports!

have spent a fair amount of time in the airport in the last month...and wow it is fun. my latest issues with airtravel include that I am now deaf due to the extreme noise that came my way off a turboprop from Duluth to MPLS. seriously they should give out earplugs for that trip! And the seats! What is with the seats? I was trying to type a paper and there wasn't enough room. I am not a big person what if I was a big bad businessman...I could type up my company merger and I would sue Northwest! hehe!
Also...what is with the no pillows, blankets, lack of lighting, no earplugs, no movies, crabby ass flight attendants and no fricking food on long plane rides! I consider greater than 3 hours a long time on a plane; am I mistaken? And seriously you would have a more sleepy, quieter crowd if you fed them. Honestly, tack on five bucks that you spend on my lice infested pillow and blanket and swished ham and unknown sandwich. I would never suspect a thing!
As a side note...my G key is on the fritz...this is a greek tragedy straight out of the northwoods! Okay...merry christmas...I am gonna go facebook!

strategic snow shoveling

16...18...20 some inches of snow falls out of the sky in the last few days and it is gorgeous. However, it is all on top of my car which is parked on the street and the snowplow is working to bury it further. Now comes advice for strategic, urban snowshoveling.

• Pick a time when the fewiest bums are wondering the street...usually daylight hours work the best. It's just weird when they watch you dig your car out and then they don't help when you get stuck.
• Dress like your gonna climb Mt Everest, cause the snow goes in every place on your body possible. Also, cars drive by and spray you with road slurry...it's just gross and snowpants work as an awesome repellant.
• Bring a shovel to get the snow off the roof...and remember to take the bike rack off your car before it snows...pain in the ass!
• Make sure the gas cover opens before you go to the gas station on empty.
• Make a little trail through the snow with your feet where you anticipate your car will drive through. Although this is usually a waste of energy cause the fricky car takes on a mind of its own in the snow and usually goes the opposite way of which you have turned.
• Watch out for buses they hurt!

Have you noticed that I post alot more when I'm supposed to be studying for finals or working on a big project. HMMMM? What does all of this mean? That I'm a slacker. Woohoo!

bud light guy...

....Today we salute you, stressed out college student. As you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on starbucks and adderall, you think to yourself, am I ever going to need to know this stuff in life? The distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage. I'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you have checked your buddy list 800 times. End of term is just days away, and your prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. So crack open an ice cold bud light after that last essay, because for most of us, winter will be spent in rehab....

for the record...I am not a fan of Bud light. Hence i will be replacing said beverage with an Irish car bomb, Jag-bomb, Dead-Nazi, and a Harp :)

mixed of emotions...

I'm sitting here in my living room in my sweats contemplating what I should do next. I just took my pulmonary final exam online in the comfort of my own home; what a great feeling that is. There is a lot of studying yet to complete for the two finals early next week and I don't have the drive to do it. I just want to sit here. But the thoughts keep coming back to what should I do next?
The realization that I have such a short time with my fellow classmates has come to head; on the top of the list is to cry, reminence and laugh with friends. We have such great times and such hard times. We have all grown so much from where we were when we all arrived here on that warm early September day. I have made such great friends that will confidones for life. We have all learn such great things about each other.
One of my favorite past-times is sitting in the reading room, not reading. Just hanging out, laughing so hard you could and probably have pee'd.
I would give this up for the world; it wasn't so long ago that many of us didn't want to be in Duluth. Now, I don't think you would find many with that opinion. This program and the guinea pig lifestyle by which we live have afforded us the greatest opportunity to lead, learn and evolve into great pharmacists.
I will miss you all so much. But before that I still have to pass med agents and biopharmaceutics. Study, study, study...

only one left

OMG...last class is over.

ONLY ONE SEMESTER LEFT. Woohoo. Then rotations here I come...maybe still have to pass pulmonary final, medagents final and pharmacrap final...

On second thought, I might be here for 3 more....

studying in vegas blows!

sitting in my hotel room at the aladdin on the strip studying heart failure and electrolye imbalances...yep. it's official this sucks!
why are you doing this u ask? well, missy and i have to compete at a national pharmacy conference and we figured we should know what the hell is going on tomorrow and that is not conducive to margaritas. Crap, if only it was.
FYI-never take a cab here, you will drive. never go the same weekend as the rodeo...this reminds me of college. i went to UW-river falls...and ag school...two farms on campus...yep, we liked to wear huge cowboy hats, wranglers, boots, belt buckles and carharts to class. yeehaw!
I will be drinking and gambling on sunday afternoon. yippee!

clinical question?

Do quinolones cover "tap room TB"? Consensus---yes!

pharmacy smells....

It's been a smelly day in the pharmacy. The pharmacy would not usually strike one as a place where wild things grow and smell horribly. Maybe not your pharmacy, but hold that thought and drive to a metro clinic or outpatient pharmacy; the stinkies abound. In order to let you in on a little piece of my world imagine these smells...rancid cigarette that is so potent it burns your nose, cat pee (did they bring it with them, looking around?), alcohol from the night before or that day so strong that it could cause a contact high if that was possible, marijuana that they evidently smoked while they were in line from their antidepressants, feces and/or urine, body odor that bitch slaps you while you wonder if there is a trail of comatose people outside...

water mains are NOT important

There was mud, yes, mud flowing from my kitchen faucet this morning. Ummm? I am going to guess there is a problem. A gander out the window shows that the landlord is outside. I am off in desperate persuit. The verdict: water main break...hoard all the water you can in the next 10 minutes so they can find the leak, it will be on this evening. Wait. So I should draw a bath of mud from the faucets that give off water similar to a light mist. Needless to say, I didn't participate in that activity. Or in drawing buckets of water to dump down the toilet, sorry Johnny, your neurosi will have to live with that one.
All made plans that may include water have been cancelled until further notice: cooking, cleaning, showering, laundry...all in good fun.
Another question. How does a water main break in November? All theories are not holding up including cold weather (it's not cold yet), car accident (nope, underground), tree roots (do trees grow in November, I think not!)
I chalk this one up the decaying infrastructure of Duluth water and sewer systems. Sweet!

wow! It is so shocking that americans are bigots!

Caution: do not read if you a) like president bush b) are a bigot c) make fun of others due to their beliefs d) are very religious: Okay, so a large proportion of americans are catholic. I don't know what the percent is and frankly don't care. Many people is this country think bigotry is absurd, in any form. We are all made the way we are for a reason, even the crackheads and the hoodrats! The vatican is working 180 degrees from that and this is why Mr. Bush is president. If you don't see the correlation look harder. God forbid the catholic church actually had some character and culture that was modern. I know that that is not usually of unmost importance in ancient religious, but come on. Evolution is alive and well. How bad would it be if church was interesting...not everyone enjoys potlucks and unhappy women that are married to horrible men and shunning those who are different. Why can't we just sing cum ba ya alot...it is such a great song!

my head is foggy

there are no coherent thoughts going through my head. i have studied my ass off for a test. I am not joking my pants don't fit and are falling off. I evidently went off a "sweet jump" and didn't know it and broke the right axle on my car...whoops! Thanks for the payment dad! As you said, i don't do much for you but this is what i am here for. I am suffering from "tap room TB"...there are many smoke free bars in duluth except that one. It just so happens that they have the good bands there. I'm pretty sure that I coughed up my right bronchiole this morning. Owwee! Johnny is coming over and we gonna watch "Supertroopers"...I need a good laugh. I am trying very hard not to like him too much...is it worth it? He is so kind, says the craziest things to me and brings me lettuce from the co-op! Ohh, such a rambling post sorry. And it's snowing.

My mom is coming up tomorrow. Yeah! We are going to the brewhouse, she just doesn't know it yet! And no, I didn't scrub the kitchen floor, or the living room floor...they are dirty and are going to stay that way!

Looking forward to the turkey bird on Thursday and I don't have to travel...they are coming to me! Yes. That's good cause I don't have a car.

Need sleep now.

so scary!

Don't share prescription drugs with your friends! This is how people die, end up in the ER, scarred for life, etc. No I'm not being dramatic. There is a reason why physicians and pharmacists go to school for 8 plus years...so we know what your drugs are for, so we can give them to you IF you need them. I think this qualifies as an asstard event.

oh my tailbone

I just biffed on the back stairs in the library, but totally saved the mcdonald's. Killer. There is a conglommerate of moisture falling from the sky and the Asics don't have any grip left...Shit my tailbone hurts.

REASONS TO SKIP CLASS

1o. your significant other just showed up in a trench coat and nothing else----no way!
9. the guy you sit next to in class smells and has bad breath----Ben is that you!
8. the class has over 300 people and you're sure attendance won't be taken
7. your professor's shiny head is too distracting----this is a student in the front row!
6. you can't save Super Mario 3 on your regular Nintendo
5. McDonald's only serves breakfast until 10:30
4. You can't figure out how to record on your VCR
3. Sleep seems more relevent that a person who's been dead for centuries
2. You want to find out who that is you woke up next to----hehehehehe
1. You have no idea where your pants are---hehehe

This is not my authoring, but that of the good 'ol STATESMAN at UMD.

some oh so funny things..

chatting with the girls before i left school after being there for about 14 hours...yes, i love it there...some oh so funny this were said....

• Jill, my cat has hepatitis! if anyone knows me they know why this is funny and no it's not because I have this disease.
• People everywhere were getting "action" this weekend...and not the people that usually do! I plead the fifth!
• I think I could eat be-bes and be totally fine...
• So, he had a 2 hour erection! ummm, ewww! Keep it to yourself! And yes, I just shared with you!
• Wow, that's a lot of peas! I love hummus and I eat lots of it!
• Is your middle name really MIDDLE?
• Oh my god, i don't remember kissing you! That's too bad 'cause i wish i could forget! Weirdo!
• Have you ever watch someone smoke marijuana? They totally have drug delivery to the lung figured out! yes, Dr Weidmen strikes again!

Fun times! Fun times!

what is that?

Giant sculpture suddenly appears on campus...here are the possibilities for what this giant monsterousity is.

• tennis racket
• half buried scissors
  
• Nuva-ring
  
• flourescent kitchen light
  
• waste of my tuition money
  
• ring for the dolphins that will live in the rice pond to jump through.
  
• drunk fun yet to be determined
• ???? WTF!
  

Quotes of the day...

yes, these are mentioned in the last post but are worthy of their own title...

"so, you want a cookie?"
"so...my grandma says hi."
"I would like to be your regional delegate because I'm hot, polite and concise" --these are a product of multiple vodka/redbulls and Heather, who knew she was so fun.
"Vote for Jill" --your hand with all fingers extended spells Jill...try it!

hola long lost amigos!

I haven't been here for a long time...relatively speaking. It has been an especially busy time but I couldn't pin down any one thing that has taken considerable time. It has been a fun week, a sad week and an growing week.
Fun--went to Omaha-no not for the corn festival. Pharmacy student meeting...fun all around. Ran for regional office-didn't win. But hey, public speaking and behaving totally rock my world...not!
Hanging out with Johnny-this kid is hysterical and totally grossed out by the word poop, which happens to be my favorite word.
Rough-funeral of a highschool classmate. Classmates mom was my ma's best friend...it was incredibly difficult to watch. Makes me want to cry just thinking about it.
Growing--above said boy...rocks my world and not the way you think...get your minds out of the gutter. He's philosophical, but not abstract. Last night he says to me "so...my grandma says hi!" ummm. Okay. I don't think I know her but very nice. And then I fell off the couch laughing. I nearly fell down the stairs today when I was talking to Alli about it. It is now the quote of the month along with "do you want a cookie"--Nebraska don't ask!
Okay back to studying about mucus and respiratory delivery and deposition. Fun, eh?

thanks alot

My family has passed the incredible cold sore gene onto me. They fricking hurt! Thanks alot! Picture two ginormous ones that look like vampire teeth. Once again thanks alot!

There only specific circumstances that warrant the appearance of one of these beautiful earthly creatures: stress, studying, lack of hydration, a date the next day, public speaking, hot weather, cold weather, thinking about them, looking at the tube of Abreva, well pretty much anything. I hate you go away. Very mature post...I'm sure you are proud.

You're a crackhead...

I'm a crackhead...I decided to run for regional office. This is way exciting, I get to play with policy more and argue...Yea! This is an assurance that I will not be sleeping for at least a year.

halloween pics as promised

A pan of jello shots and a few margaritas in...

Island pineapple jello is not a good substrate for jello shots so we will be having a re-do at MRM in NE.

A quick tour of the pics. I am a brain donor and yes, I lost my brain. The girl next to me is "something about Mary" with unsaid substance in her hair!

Pictures of the fam...

Our family does guys/girls segregation photos...why do we do this? Does anyone else do this?

why do ya have to be that guy?

Why is it that "that guy" always makes an appearance when you're having a good time and don't want to deal with them?
"That guy" is the guy who you used to like but wanted nothing to do with you after you shared some oh so special drunken moments at a Frat party. "That guy" thinks it's appropriate to corner you at a party, ask you about your single status, and ask you take a walk outside with him. Keep in mind that you brought a guy, that you think is one of the coolest things since sliced best, and he's standing right next to you with, looking perplexed. "That guy" comes back inside and asks you why you didn't come outside...um, duh! Then tells you that he was stupid for never calling, saying crazy things to you at the bar a while back, and being a freak in general---why.why.why....
Men are stupid at times and a necessary evil, but I love them. Fuckers! HEHE!
The sliced bread guy is better and he looks good covered in red paint.

there is blood everywhere...

Halloween party yesterday...it was a good one. The cops even came by to kick us to the curb. Keep in mind that all of us are 25 and didn't drive there. This poses a bit of a problem for the popo who have kicked us out of the house into the street where we are much louder and the next cab comes in an hour. I think this is funny, so funny in fact that I walked about 3 miles home in my halloween costume, no worries there were a few of us.

I was a brain donor and I kept losing the brain I was carrying. Johnnie was a brain surgeron, he was covered head to toe in red acrylic paint. Red acrylic paint peels off after about 6 hours and sheds everywhere. Everywhere. There is paint in my nose, on my couch, in the sink, everywhere in my apartment. Ahhhh!

Oh and Missy gives the okay on hanging with Johnnie...thanks!

quote 'o day

"I bought a TV from my grandma's dead neighbor"

So...were they dead before or after you hiked their TV?

different than I imagined...

David Gray writes and sings some amazing music...

However, it is difficult to watch him sing, he does this crazy thing with his head. Yikes!

something new!

I have spent more than 3 hours in my home today...and I was able to come home before 1 am! Yeaa!

All I wanted to do was watch the White Sox win the world series. I am not usually a Sox's fan but they get geographical bias. But my goal is hindered because my flipping TV keeps turning off and I refuse to buy a new one. I have traveling to do, things to eat and besides I promised myself that I wasn't buying a new one until I could get one that I hung on the wall. Oh, yea! Looks like I am stuck with this one for the next 14 years!

searching for a vision

You know that feeling when you work so hard for something, someone, somewhere; you put all your spare energy into it and it gets crushed over and over and over and over again. You start to think, what the hell am I doing? Wouldn't life be easier if I just went with the flow? Didn't fight so hard? Didn't believe something different from others? If I kept my mouth shut? If I just walked away? What would life be like? What if I was a cheerleader for the popular cause? Would I be a less tortured soul?

It's been a busy week, month, year, decade, life and small bit of apprehension about things has arisen lately. I am working under the assumption that pilates, coffee, this blog and sleep will keep my journey on a straight path.

I was reminded today of a day not so long ago when one of my heroes left unexpectantly. I didn't know them personally, nor had I ever met them. They just seemed to have great ideals and fostered them, for the better of the Minnesotan, American and world citizen. I am sure that this person had flaws but he had a great vision and a great ability to inspire vision in others. It is disheartening that this man was not with us longer, for the benefit of young people who seem to be struggling with the direction of our great profession, city, county, state and nation. Rest in peace Mr Wellstone...

“The future will not belong to those who sit on the sidelines. The future will not belong to the cynics. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” --Paul Wellstone

Avian flu vs dealing with "real" life...

Read....

there should be a disclaimer...

There should be a disclaimer and a photo album of all the horrible things that happened to people who do METH!
I don't do it...but evidently a bazillion people do and it ruins, RUINS their lives! Where did this public health/crime/economy/american issue writing stem? Interdisciplinary speakers today: nurse with meth-head son, recovering meth-head, county deputy and united way rep. I learned things that I didn't want to know, that made my stomach turn, that made me what do cry...

What should the disclaimer include: pictures of picking, meth mites, meth mouth, before and afters of meth-heads, small childrens exposure... A listing of the noxious chemicals that you are putting in your body and how they are handled in the chem lab. Stories and things that will happen to you: nothing will ever bring you pleasure again, you will never feel as good as you did on your first high, your teeth will fall out, you might drill your teeth out with a DeWalt drill, you might pick off your own flesh with a tweezers, you might kill someone for meth or money for meth, you WILL lose everything that you have (family and materials) eventually. Is that enough?

We were told that 100% of the homicides in St. Louis Cty involved Meth...that is crazy! And incredibly terrible.

Think about this before you think a high with meth would be a good idea or the next time you see that person at the gas station who looks like they haven't eaten in 4 weeks, have black teeth and are only 20 years old.

inappropriate behavior!

This is my rant about inappropriate behavior that I have seen displayed by pharmacy professional. I am sure that other professional are guilty of this as well so insert whatever field you may.

When is it appropriate to "attack" the presenter in front of their peers or the audience that they have just present their material? Never. Ever. Unless they are going to kill someone with their said judgement and presentation material, I find that that rarely happens.

I have seen several "professionals" forget this very important presentation etiquette or common sense as I like to call it. It happened tonight, again. Why is it always the same people? They make me feel incredibly ashamed to be associated with their school, profession, and passion. Why do they always have to introduce themselves, their title and associated pharmacy or the College of Pharmacy with their name? Why can't you just remain the crazy mo-fo who is totally out of line by stating their opposition to the presentors beliefs/materials in front of the crowd? Why? Why? Why? I feel sorry for your lack of regard for others and your ballooning self-esteem that is bordering on grandiosity.

Sit down and think before you attack others in a public forum. This is not politics and your opinion of their presentation was not asked for; save your commentary for them for a private moment.

big nerd on vacation

It's saturday..well, sunday now. It is fall pharmacy break. I think they believe that the second years heads might explode if they are not given a few days off. A theory that I would tend to agree with. I did not go out. I have not had a beer or martini. I do not have a date. I am making tapioca pudding, surfing the web and trying to get the motivation to study. It has been an incredibly busy break, which is stinky because all I wanted to do was sleep until 4 pm. Shopping, drinking martini's, college football games, family gatherings, late night dates, long drives, pharmacy competitions...have all taken precidence. In all that fog I won a trip to Las Vegas-ASHP convention to compete in the Clinical Skills Competition and got to hang with Auntie C. Wooohooooo!

respect...gentlemen pay attention!

Some people have the ability to command the great respect with simple common sense acts. Here is an great example.

Gentlemen...when you kiss a girl, you will command so many more bonus points if you don't try to grope and off all of the clothes that said girl is wearing. Unless that was the intention of the "activity" However, keep this in mind on a first or first few dates--remember...bonus points.

huh?

Med Agents professor keeps spelling Hormonal...Harmonal! This is not a song and I don't think those words are synomous. Yes, I am posting during class because I am still pissed about failing my exam and I have no idea what this guy is saying....

I failed...

I failed that psych therapy test like nobodies business. It took me nearly the entire time to take, which is rare. I am always the first one done...Ben, Loren and I race. This does not lend itself to the best grades but it works out okay, the dean liked it. It was written for a med student I am sure. I am not in the business of diagnosising your mental illness, I help to make sure you are getting optimal treatment. Is it necessary that I know how a CT/MRI/PET/fMRI and how they work, it wouldn't know what to do with them if I saw them. Pharmacist does NOT equal radiologist. Pharmacist is not synomous with psychriatrist. I can tell you all the drugs/side effects/CYP p450 interactions/drug combos/how to optimize your therapy for schizo/bipolar/depression/anxiety/adhd...but did you ask me those questions...Fuck no! Therefore, I failed an exam because you were confused about my future profession. I need a drink...but no, I still have a full day of torture left.

throw up a little...

There is a template for blogger that makes one's blog pink. It is not a soft pink, but pepto bismol pink. It makes me want to vomit. You may have the greatest blog and most intellectual things to say but I can't stand it, I can not read it. It burns my eyes...

note to you...

FYI--I have a site meter...so, if you visit here more than 10 times per day it freaks me out. I am not that interesting, just crazy. I appreciate your visits but I only post once daily, usually in the middle of the night to avoid studying. Thanks...peace out.

too much stuff...

there are too many things to do and i don't want to do this anymore. what is this? studying. psych disorders are difficult and have drugs that do a million things and can be used for all disorders with certain criteria....ahhhh! what would i rather be doing...

• sleeping
• hanging out with the cute boy i recently came across at a concert
• watching tv
• not sitting in my office studying
• socializing
• hanging with my friends...i have about a 100 sex in the city episodes to watch
• eating yummy food....mashed potatoes comes to mind
• nothing, absolutely nothing
• running...getting chunk-o-rella...need to burn calories
• movies...i am so behind
• take some photos

In summary i would like to sleep, eat, socialize and exercise

Druggist and study design

I would like to read more about the study design for this article...it seems abit fishy to me. Also, we are not "druggist's", it is disheartening that one of us refers to themselves as this. How old is this person or are they just insanely detached from the profession.

Fortune cookies

"our life is the creation of our mind" --in bed?

don't the fortune cookie makers know this urban rule...this doesn't make sense.

Biopharmaceutics antics

I cannot keep this craziness to myself any longer...

My pharmaceutics professor is an absolutely wack-job. He is so smart but has a severe case of ADHD. When he says something crazy I like to write it down in the margins of my notes. I have been diligently studying for my exam on Friday and keep coming across them, so I will share them with you...all my "regular readers" hehe! Joanna-you can see him saying these can't you!

1. Calorado--wrong vowelage dude!
2. Spidey sense--how does that relate to sun screen?
3. crap-i knew you where going to ask that question!
4. fabulous and despicable in the same breath!
5. I am going for english fashion statement, socks with sandals--huh?
6. you should be on the desktops shouting! What? Why?
7. Favorite toy as a child was a stick that I peeled the bark off--how does that relate to the laryngeal jet?
8. Sorry no sport coat today, I think my shoulders are getting bigger.

I learn next to nothing in this class because I should already know most of this from kinetics, physiology and drug delivery random acts of torture I have already endured. However, I just go for the craziness of it all.

new music finds...

Love, love, love music. I am a music whore. Oh, that sounds bad. Any-who....Brendan highlights this band, so I checked them out and they are A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!

can i have my nail bed back?

Busted a nail today, so had to go in for maintenance much sooner than anticipated. First off, I don't like how these guys do my nails, they are always crooked. But it's cheap so why am I complaining. Oh yeah, while they nail dude is talking his phone in a undiscernable language with a tool that looks like something out of Star Wars, he rips my nail off down to the nail bed. UMMMMMM, OWWWWEEEE! So he decides that this probably isn't the best way to deal with the acrylic monster...He gets the rest the stuff off the others and is upset because I don't want acrylic on the nail that is throbbing and could, at any moment explode. Seriously, anaerobic bacteria here we come. I was born with an opposable thumb for a reason...not so I could lose it to the acrylic nail demons.

new function for speakerphone

Prank calls from the computer...we called this kid down the hall about 8 times...all different people. My side hurts from laughing...

The best ones are Napolean Dynamite, OfficeSpace and ARNOLD....

culture of the cafeteria

Decided to study in the expansive cafeteria this evening. It's quiet and has a giant TV if I so choose to be distracted. My people roam through here on their way to somewhere...my campus is a giant maze of connected buildings. This provides protection from the unbearable cold in the winter and a bizarre clothing selection in the winter (ie. flipflops and shorts). Anyway, I would say that 95% of the wanderers and eaters are grubby, skateboard-like dudes. Which makes me think that my brothers mop of a haircut isn't so rare and possibly fashionable. I happened to notice this last night at the concert too. Long haired, skinny boys who's pants were to big. Cute in their own right and they aren't usually so self-absorbed that they don''t have a clue what's going on in the world...wow! Intelligent conversation is equivalent to long hair....probably not.

holy crap this is me...

I wear them to Target, to the grocery store, in the car, on the bus, hiking; everywhere it is not illegal. I helps me focus on the task at hand; not the screaming children, maniac on the bus behind me, things that go bump in the woods...it's just me and my music. Perhaps the nostalgia of this will wear off and I will return to the world of clatter, but not today.

bands...

Two great Minnesota bands in two great days...

1. Root City last night at the TAP room. A really disgusting smoky place...but a step up from the Twins Bar where they used to play. The greatest thing about this band is the cowbell player who also puts out a mean beatbox...I'm in love. The keyboard player also a hottie...so we asked him to take of his clothes...no dice. The saxophonist plays beautiful music and he lives next door to one of the first years. She can hear him singing in the shower...
2. Trampled By Turtles tonight at Pizza Luce. This band rocks--rock music with a celtic undertone. It makes me wish I was in RiverDance--so I try to pretend on the dance floor.

Getting back to studying now...

snow and sandals

First day of snow; big, gobbery drops of snow blazing from the sky. These blazing flakes are no match for the sandals I strapped on today. I am going to loss a foot size due to loss of toes.

I am NOT grown up, see....

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those freaking
kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM!
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would
severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen
and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces,
"I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one
sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save
your sorry old butt.

heavy heart

listening to Bruce Springsteen's City of Ruins and reading this gentleman's blog....

how will this region ever, ever recover...

my heart is so heavy for these poor, strong people who have lost everything...

don't forget about them, they still need your prayers...

the media does not do this incredulous disaster justice...

personal stories are the tearjerkers...

they make you think about what you have and cherish

they make you think about your mortality, because you have it.

All will be well.

I have two warm fuzzies for today...

1. Gathered in the reading room (ie. loud study lounge)...listening to Jason and Phil play the guitar. It was so relaxing and such a pleasant break in the day. Convince Jason to learn a Kenny Chesney song...one from the island music CD. It is such a fabulous CD...it takes all your cares away and replaces them with sand.
2. Lab supervisor assured me that it is normal that I don't know what to do with my life and that I have all the tools and the ambition to do whatever...just pick a direction...you can always go back. sigh. All will be well.

cruel

Missing the bus...twice!

I have a PROBLEM!

I am addicted. Yes, addicted to fun...

Is there a 12 step program? Here are some ideas...

1. Admitting you have a problem...
2. Finding like minded people, who also like fun
3. Have a drink because you are not alcoholics
4. Realize that you can dance without being wasted
5. Make a list of all fun things and stop doing them
6. Another drink due to depression
7. Find fun-sponge friends, let them suck away your fun spirit
8. Clean closet and get rid of party clothes
9. Throw away bar cigarettes
10. Drop cell phone and ID in the lake and walk away
11. Stop smiling at cute boys
12. Drive the speed limit!

Whew! That was scary, don't think I will be doing any of those things.

quadra-pod member

This is Jason...great friend of mine. This pic is from a Garrison Keilor cruise talent show, where he won second place singing a Bob Dylan song. A remember if no shot glasses are available when it is your turn...you can take them off of his chest!

A great bonus in a friend!

unusual events

manhole covers are blowing off of well...manholes. What would cause such an event? Copious amounts of rain. No joke it has been raining hard for 2 days with no end in sight. And tomorrow snow, blowing, fricking cold snow! Yea! This weather phenom has caused the local wildlife to go a bit crazy. A bear cub climbed at telephone pole today 2 blocks from my house. Yes, I live in downtown of a relative metropolis and yes, I did say bear! He was saved, the power company came and got him. Are power crews trained to rescue bear cubs? And if so, what other animal rescues do they have in their arsonal? Just curious.

relax the snow is coming :(

It is a widely known fact that I love my music. I also love listening to thunderstorms, the rain, and the water racing down the hill on the way to the lake. Now imagine....being able to hear the rain on the window and the thunder as an undertone to music in the headphones while grading papers. Ahh, it's heaven!

The downside...I am at school without an umbrella and there are cats and dogs falling from the sky. I can not stand the feeling of wet clothing on my back, it gives me goose bumps.

Another bummer...it is supposed to snow on Wednesday. I despise snow. It would be a wonderful, beautiful thing if I didn't live on the side of a cliff without a garage and in a city with archaic snowplowing measures. Yes, we live in a snow savvy state. However, my city does not allocate funds properly, so parking gets very hairy in the winter, because half the spots are occupied by snow banks. Oh, it is making me queasy talking about this.

on my way

...to being a brother? Pledged Kappa Psi, but I think I've already lost my pin...whoops!

a recap

Here's a weekend recap just in case you (me) forgets why you are so damn tired...

1. margarita's with allison and company
2. six episodes of "SexintheCity"
3. Brewhouse
4. kinky underwear story
5. red bull/vodka's
6. stretching of the guidelines under the DJ booth
7. stretching the guidelines on a parked car
8. 3 hours of sleep
9. 8 hours of work
10. dancing like a crazy person
11. being DD
12. Potato Oles
13. blow-dryer that only blows cold air-not cool!
14. 8 hours of work
15. weird neighbored pulled my laundry again
16. study, study, study....

seven bridges road in the fall

compassion...

I was paid a wonderful and disturbing compliment today by one of the head pharmacists in my department. He stated that he saw himself in me. In that, I have so much drive, so much compassion and epathy for others and put that above almost anything else that I do. Even on three hours of sleep you run like a well oiled machine and will be an incredible worker--that is a whole 'nother story.

In the next breath, he challenged that I would always be this way. That my desire to help patients and make sure they get what they need, would somehow waiver. As if it is some disallusion that I hold of the profession. Do I know that working in a practice that allows me to work with patients and use all of that knowledge they are feverishly cramming into my head will be hard to come by? And hard to build? And incredibly rewarding? And a fight every step of the way? Hell yea!

It is so distressing to me that a practicing pharmacist would challenge this of me. He doesn't know me very well. He does not know the certain death that will find me if I work for Walgreen's, or any such retail devil. Seriously, I have friends who have been told to kill me.
I have always been compassionate, pharmacy just gives me a way to practice. Do I think that I have a skewed view of things? No, I just know what can be done to people and try harder. Do third party payors suck? Hell, yea. But they make patients lives much easier if they work correctly, so take the time to call them. Direct them in the direction of patient assistance if they may need it. These are not difficult things.

Being a pharmacist was never about the money and never will be. I want to do this because making a patient smile and knowing that they recieved what they needed, makes my day, my week, my month. It makes me.

the cult has captured me!

I got one! I got an Ipod! A little baby Nano one.! It is the cutest little piece of expensive electronics. It was like unwrapping a space ship. The Apple marketing department is incredible. Not only have they convinced me to buy one but I keep wanting to put it back in the little box to unwrap it again. Alas, I will resist the urge.

are you serious...?

Went to the eye doc today because I though my vision was failing me...blurring images, oscillatory focus, etc. (Jo-it's not diabetes!) He dilates my eyes so I look like an alien and will be totally unproduction all day. Suck-0 because it's like 80 degrees and beautiful outside.

Prognosis: Evidently, I have a disease they like to refer to as focusing too hard on reading. What? I thought I was supposed to focus when I read? This is an extensive of my neurotic behavior, I'm sure of it.

Solution: Wear your reading glasses like he told you to a year ago.

music

Why is it that listening to music in headphones is so more intimate? It is just me in my own big, spinning world. It is my new found hobby; to let all the demons of the day escape. There is an optimal volume: loud. An optimal song: nothing mainstream. An optimal beat: acoustic guitars and a great voice, that I imagine is singing to me and only me. It reminds me of a rainy, glorious, difficult day in B-town at the coffee shop. What a great memory!

play of the game

...sliding into left field chasing a fly ball...

good advice...

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

speaking of vivid dreams

yes, still studying I swear...reading about efavirenz and it causes vivid dreams.

i have vivid dreams all the time, my friends can atest to that. i am having flashbacks of a dream that i had last night. it was torturous and my stomach is flipping just thinking about it.

Dave...dave was back and I was in Bemidji. Evidently he was rejected from the military they figured out that he was crazy and incompetent. Don't know Dave. Well, Dave has brought us side shows such as-

1. "i hate you" (yes! still laughing, who says that to someone?)
2. "you are the reason men hate women" (i had to bite my lip not to laugh out loud)
3. "you and monica are the most bitter women i've ever met" (yessss, what a word!)
4. "you make me want to be a better man" (barf...)
5. "i am so glad you didn't talk about me behind my back to my friends" (damn straight i did, and honestly they thought you were crazy too)
6. "can we just date each other?" (what? i wasn't aware that we were even thinking about that, I am just eating pizza here!)

Now if you are not convinced that this person is absolutely looney tunes--you may have a problem. This dude was crazeeee! Do you see why the dream was sooo creepy?

uggghhh!

check engine light has magically appeared....there goes my dreams of an ipod. (interject temper tantrum here!)

age before beauty...

A first year said this to me the other day and I was totally taken back...what did she mean that I was old or that she was prettier than me. Either way, I was losing.
I have been told so many times that one's twenties are the most difficult times of one's adult life. I can see that which is probably evident by the personal struggle that is openly published here. As I sat studying for hours today, I had a revelation about the things in my life that have become so much better with time or "age"
There is a much greater appreciation for art, independant films and music, not the kind they play on the radio but the stuff that plays at the small club downtown. My television show appreciation has evolved greatly, it is now readily apparent why Seinfeld and Sex in the City had such a huge following. And honestly, Friends no longer holds a near and dear spot in my heart.
Elderly folks rock my world. They have so much insight into the world; how it is and how it was. They say the greatest things and are so willing to share. This transects into my love for another population, small children. They are the greatest and like the elderly are so willing to share.
My time is so important these days. My life alone has been for the most part, fabulous. I have learn what great friends and family I have.
Age before Beauty?....you're are correct and much wiser, young grasshopper.

horrible movie

save your money for a rainy day when your car breaks down in west BFE, to pay the serial killer to take you to the local gas station. "40-year-old virgin"--horrible...some funny moments that are totally cancelled out by the weirdness that occurs at the end. The story line revolves around, well the title, not much imagination there. See a movie with a plot that further the intellect of America.

what is that racket?

it is raining cats and dogs and the fog horn is going off every 5 minutes. this means that i cannot possibly study at home. don't know what the fog horn sounds like...never fear UMD has the sound posted on the bottom of their webpage. Check it out and make it go off every 5 minutes...we can be fog horn twins!

don't think mom would approve...

have been claimed as someone's future wife because i can do shots of jag. don't worry, i walked away quickly.

on a side note--it must have been north branch-forest lake reunion last night at frankies...i counted no less than 20 people that i knew from home. And subsequentely tried to avoid like the plaque....ewwww! it's just not right that you have been divorced more times than i have been married and that you think i still am interested in the friends that i had in high school. take note if i wanted to know i would probably still be in contact with them; but thanks for the update.

anemias

Alli and I borrowed some notes from the second years to study up on anemias, 'cause we forgot some vital info. Evidently they were unaware of the incriminating evidence that they handed of to us. It is confirmed men think of boobs, or as they described and drew "ta-ta's", even while studying anemia of chronic disease. Big picture: AD draws stick figure pictures of profs with big "tata's" in the margins...degrading, yes. Hysterical study break...oh, yeah!

fun times in the middle of the night...

I am studying geriatrics and being very productive...well, not exactly. I have so much to do I don't really know where to start. There are two exams tomorrow that are calling my name and I have only studied for one of them...oops. I guess that 4 hour nap today wasn't necessary afterall. Instead of studying what better thing to do than post a survey via Jo-mama.

1. What time is it? 12:46 am
2. Name: Jillene “inspector” Beuke
3. Piercing: 2
4. What is the most recent movie you've seen in the theater? Wedding Crashers
5. Eye color: Blue
6. Place of birth: Cambridge, MN
7. Favorite food: Ice Cream
8. Ever been to Africa: NO
9. Ever been toilet papering (rolling): Yes
10. Love someone so much it made you cry: Too much!
11. Been in a car accident: Yes
12. Croutons or bacon bits: Croutons
13. Favorite day of the Week. Saturday
14. Favorite restaurant: Pizza Luce’
15. Favorite Flower: Pansies
16. Favorite sport to watch: Soccer
17. Favorite Drink: Marguerites
18. Favorite flavor of ice cream: Strawberry Cheesecake
19. Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney (Just Keep Swimming)
20. Favorite fast food restaurant : Chipolte
21. What color is your bedroom carpet? Turd brown
22. How many times you failed your driver's test? None
23. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail: Amanda PD2
24. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card: Nordstrom
25. What do you do most often when you are bored: Sleep
26. Bedtime : How much studying I have to do…1-2 am
30. Favorite TV shows: ER and House MD
31. Last person you went to dinner with : Missy, Jen and Carolyn
32. Ford or Chevy: neither
33. What are you listening to right now: some band from Eau Claire, WI
34.What is your favorite color: Green
35. How many tattoos do you have: none
36. How many pets do you have? zero
37.What came first, the chicken or the chicken egg? The egg

Riveting, eh?

another big one

So...another giant f---ing hurricane is out there... Did you know that Galveston, TX is an island only 8 feet above sea level? I am sensing a problem arising. Here's what happened to the islands off the coast of Gulfport when katrina came through and over.

I often wonder....

does he miss me? does he think about what i do everyday? does he care that he has 3 adult kids who are successful to some degree and are attaining their dreams?

not so long ago, all i wanted, was for him to have time for me. just me.

obviously that never happened or i won't be wondering about these things out loud. he has no time for me...last time he called he quickly turned him bluetooth reciever over to grandma to go take a shower...why did you call?

there are so many ways to find me, to talk to me, to care about me...

the most recent moment of avoidance...the town that my bros and i grew up in...decimated. would you call to remember the things they remembered, to inquire about their mental health, to see if they were dealing and how?

what happens the day i get married? what happens when i have kids? what happens when i graduate again? when will he start being a parent? i know the painfully apparent answers to all of these questions...but still i ask.

why today? i was not studying, reading some blogs and i came across this one. if only mine would verbalize this to me.

the wild creature

the skunk is back...cute little fellow...in downtown duluth...i saw him wobble under my car like a drunk pengiun...and, yes, i thought it was a cat again at first site

speech writer extraordinare

very funny little video about how to write a speech, complete with a "flying squirrel" component...

got...gotten...unprecedented

Reading the transcript of Mr Bush's speech this evening a few things are blaring annoying and strike a nerve....

1. Attention speechwriters and Mr Bush: do not include the words got, gotten, ain't, etc. in speeches to your great nation. Yes, I realize that a great percent of your nation reads below the eighth grade, but your language offends me and many others. I am not stupid. Please don't speak to me like you are about to serve me gumbo at the local cafe, you are supposed to be the leader of our great nation. I realize that you want people to identify with you and understand what you are saying. So does the daily paper and I believe they must write stories below the sixth or eighth grade, they are not offensive.
2. "When the houses are rebuilt, more families should own, not rent, those houses." Before you "give" homes to impovershed peoples who have minimal education and are barely able to live; take a look at what the federal government has done for the American Indian in that respect. It didn't work out very well, as a starter.
3. "I will listen to good ideas from Congress"--good, you do that! For the rest of us who are not under your cult spell, we know that no idea comes from congress without some set back in another area. Maybe I am being to critical; maybe by some twist of fate, common sense will prevail and many good things will come out of this horrible situation.
4. "Weapons of mass destruction" Again, really, get a new mantra. That's not what is about. Yes, you are talking about protecting large populations from many things that are beyond our control, but you need a new catch phrase. Are the evil people coming again, as well?
5. "It was not a normal hurricane..." Is there such a thing as a "normal" hurricane? I am pretty sure that they are a relatively rare phenomenon for which there is a season, and they have a personality all their own. Go hang out with a meteorologist and learn about w-e-a-t-h-e-r.
6. Oh yeah, one last thing. If you have to pee, get up and go. Yep, you are a big boy!

put both legs over the fence and run...

It occured to me today that I am all grown up, have nearly completed my professional education, and it is nearly necessary for me to move towards the light know as a career. The important question, what do you want to do Jill? Who do you want to affect? Where do you want to work? What would be the most rewarding?

It has been a popular discussion piece, of late, with my mom and her desire for me to "find myself". This conversation has revolved around the ideal that I should focus on myself and not date anyone due to the recent failure a very longterm relationship and then, the communication breakdown with one of the most fascinating person I think I have ever met. Yes, those events sucked and still wear on me at times. However, I think the more pressing issue of "finding myself" needs to focus on finding what I want to do in life because my heart will lead its own way other fronts.

So, why am I writing about this? Why is this bothering me today? Because they want me to write a "vision" for my future pharmacy practice! What, I have to decide something and write it down? Eek! This assignment is therefore tightly intertwined with what I believe I want to do with my professional life. I don't know.

There are many things that I do know. I want to help patients more than anything. I want to see and talk to patients...to make their day, makes mine. I don't want to pour, count, lick and stick (ie. walgreens will never be my home, ever!) . I want access to the whole patient not just the prescription. I want to have a great working relationship with other providers. I want to work in a small setting where I know everyone (reminds me of that Cheers song). I want to do something different for my community that will improve their quality of life. I want to love my job and love to get up in the morning.

Another issue that weighs heavily is the recent disaster. I ask myself, why is important that I find myself when so many others have lost all they have and essentially themselves...their "vision"?

I heard a couple of things today in class that I thought were very pivotal to my search. Plan not to fail. Have a lack of fear. Have passion. My fortune that is taped to my computer that I see everyday says "nothing in the world is accomplished without passion"

Everyone else thinks and evidently knows you are a strong person who can do anything, when are you going to get on the bandwagon? So...like the heading says and the folks at Niagra Falls are not condoning...put both legs over the fence and run...

Picture this...

Allison's cat, clover, fell in the toilet this morning...

quote of the day!

"what the hell does that mean?" Spitz ....overhead via ITV during biopharmaceutics this afternoon. The ritalin kid was a little perplexed at the uproar but then he tried to explain the normalization of units of flux! Please refer to the opening line if you are still confused.

Hope there's a palm tree...

didn't you want to dig a hole to china to get away from your 'rents when you were a child? well evidently you didn't use the globe properly or we would have figured out that would end up on some island in the indian ocean. no child will ever have this dilemma again with the advent of google. i checked it out and i hope to be digging to a tropical island with 4 palm trees, a pool (don't fancy saltwater), feather bed and a very, cute english pool boy ;) Going to shop for a new suit and tanning oil now!

this show is fabulous

Chillin' here on the plaid-40-year-old-couch, researching benzo's in the elderly...and...watching TV-good study habit, huh?! Any who...I've come across this fabulous show on Fox called House...yes, it's about medicine and the practice of...on some peculiar level. The attending pain killer addicted attending getting loaded with a deathrow inmate who drank copier toner...what does this have to do with anything you say? Well, methanol in toner is toxic, ethanol helps get rid of the toxin that is a byproduct of metabolism...fascinating, eh? okay, back to the benzo's...that sounds bad...whoops!

Death by Powerpoint syndrome

In previous posts, I have commented on the ridiculous practice of reading every piece of information put on a slide aloud and not including any new info in your repertiore. Well, evidently I am not the only one who believes this is a terrible injustice....read on.

Although, there was a light at the end of the powerpoint tunnel today, an MD lectured today and brought a patient with him. It was fascinating. She was the cutest lady, who was very afflicted with Parkinson's. She was sharing with us things about her disease and I retained more than I probably would have with a slide show. Yes, technology did get in the way but we've all gotten used to it (parkinson's patients don't talk very loud) . Watching everything on TV is like second nature now.

Look Mom...a saltie!

Under the bridge and dreaming...

the visual is permanent!

I can't get this visual out of my head. It keeps making me laugh out loud to myself. I will preface this story with the fact that my favorite word is poop! Yes, very childish...but it always has and will make me laugh. As a clarification, I don't like looking at poop, only saying and hearing the word. So...back to the story at hand....

Yesterday, in my extremely hungover daze, I went to a picnic on Park Point with 80 some other peeps from school. At 3 pm, had to pee for the first time, not a good sign. In scoping out the situation found three port-o-potties, cruised on over and it was not a good scene at first smell. Oh, did I mention it was like 110 degrees outside.

So, after that adventure, several questions arose....Who poops on the floor of the jimmy johnnie? The place isn't that big, how did you manage that? Do people conserve on the amount/size of turd they lay at home in order to lay a "ginormous" one in the port-o-john? OMG. Giant. Did they have to be rushed to the hospital right after?

In reference to the floor turd-layer, my friend Justin describes it best..."so I opened the door and there on the floor was the biggest turd monster I've ever seen, equipped with fangs, eyes and everything, it was the scariest thing I've ever seen...so then I went to the other one and as I am peeing I was totally captivated by the size of the giant turd gently laying on the top, I couldn't stop looking..." So you might not think this is funny but I was and am again laughing and about ready to fall off my chair.

Poop is the greatest word ever....but it is stinky!

where were you?

organic chemistry lab first semester of my junior at UWRF

the world stopped turning for just a split second...

but we are americans and we are a nation that is resilent

they thought they were taking something away from us

but they only made us stronger and started a fire that still burns on

we are americans...we are fighters and we will fight on

government officials are just that officials but we are a nation

they may make decisions that try to divide but we stick together like glue

remember to fight for your freedoms everyday

and where you were

peace

quotes of the day

Today, I told to a group of 150 student pharmacists in the explanation of a organizational postition that I hold, "I am free...". Ummmm? That didn't come out right, but as Missy and Ally would say "shit falls out of your mouth".

And while we are on the subject of profanity and speaking...some guy on the Mississippi gulf coast told Mr. Dick Cheney to "go fuck yourself...". Mr Cheney then stated that no one had ever said that to him before. Oh please, people have said that to me and I'm not a politician.

Aside from the recent disaster and not wishing that upon anyone including myself, I would have given money to see that.

the village idiot is missing!!!

"Take whatever idiot they have at the top of whatever agency and give me a better idiot. Give me a caring idiot. Give me a sensitive idiot. Just don't give me the same idiot."

--quoting Jefferson Parish president Aaron Broussard during this evenings 48 hours...

Well stated.

Tribes

Common sense and utter annoyance at the state of things...and a great read...I might not agree with everything but it is worth the 15 minute read.

Principles of vaccination--pharmacists can vaccinate in MN!

Are you bored yet? 'Cause I am.
Here's what I have learned or relearned so far: live vaccines are CI'ed in immunocomprised patients (duh!), passive and active immunity, you can mix any vaccine except cholera and yellow fever, and some other stuff. Don't get me wrong, it is great that pharmacists are able to vaccinate and help to alleviate rural health care disparities, but I have learned this info a couple of times in the last few years.
Therefore I have been cruising around the internet and the blog community with little entertainment to be had. A key came off my computer but disaster was averted and it was repaired.
I am a little peeved about the current state of media coverage of the most recent hurricane, a disaster on so many levels. Was New Orleans the only part of the country that was affected by the hurricane? I don't think so. There are so many people who live along the Gulf Coast that were also affected, why are they receive half-assed coverage and empathy?

back to the grind...tomorrow

My third year of torture starts tomorrow promptly at 9 am. Don't get me wrong, love to learn but sitting in class is usually a waste of my time. Why do professors insist on you going to class if they supply handouts and then read off of them? I can read, a tidbit of interesting info not including on the handout would be fantastic.
Went to school to pick up books and was greeted by my arch-nemesis, ewwww! He makes my skin crawl and is unable to multi-task therefore others cannot either. He is not a fan of pharmacy-so why was he hired? Oh, as a example that people with extreme mental illness have been shown to bring in lots of research dollars for the university. Why is the education of a student body not put above research dollars and projects? These people should not teach.
Came home to a car in the middle of 4th street with no occupants...odd. The peeps that live in my building and I watched the events unroll: policecar, tow truck, spectators, gawkers, then the guy who owned the car appeared from no where. The car rolled a block down the hill and hit nothing...dude, you are lucky.
Ugggg! I don't want to go back to school. But I get to see the quadra-pod and the mean girls...life could not be more complete.

the great minnesota get together

...where else can you find everything imaginable on a stick including spagetti, live info-mercials and a large assortment of quilted toaster covers. You've always wanted one of those, eh? Really, is the toaster such a taboo appliance that homemakers feel the need to hide them from the old bitties in the neighborhood? A double-blind random survey of this topic is in the planning as we speak! Results will be rivoting I'm sure.

Peace Bridge...

Niagra Falls, Ontario, Canada







What is Peace? I don't know
anymore, but this was a
beautiful, yet unbelievable site.

somalia neighbors india??

hey pin-money!
mlb thinks somalia is near india!
Christmas gift ideas #1---a globe
oh my neurotic mlb

hair tips

How many times, would you say, is normal to stick your head, hair, hand, feet, insert any other body part into the the masterpiece when painting walls?
The ends of my hair are beautifully tipped with acrylic paint. My acrylic nails are coated with acrylic paint and I have successfully left my feet prints on the hardwood floor outside the bathroom. I think I may have to call for corrective color tomorrow-splendid!
Although, I must say the color I have picked for the bathroom is quite stunning...I post pics later.

In light of recent hell in America events this seems like a very trivial thing to write or post. I don't believe, however, that my rant will make the situation better or worse. I keep up with the news in various media venues and I can't cry anymore. Money has arrived and I will donate tomorrow. As I write this, it occurs to me that all monies that enter my checkbook are from the federal government...odd? Am I contributing to their inability to lead or organize a successful rescue? Or like the woman who resigned from the FDA recently, am I contributing the future success that the government will hopefully find in 3 very, long years? Many questions, no answers!

bad wednesday

have been crying for a few hours on and off. my head is pounding. my eyes are unable to open all the way. it feels like there is moss growing inside my swollen nose. brian williams makes me cry. my best friend just left with the last of his belongings. i just lost a best friend. every where i turn there is a memory. i think i thought this would be easier. i should have picked a different route. evidently others knew we weren't getting along, thanks for telling me. why are all of my friends out of town at the fair or sleeping. i think i am dehydrated. i feel like a wimp. crying sucks. realization that i may be unable to be and stay happy for extended periods of time. realization that that totally blows. america is going down the toilet along with my world...fan-fucking-tastic.

My most recent R & R

Just returned from my summer vacation of 2005.

Rochester, NY was the destination of the last 4 days...nothing was accomplished and many one-line absurdities were proclaimed. Went to visit my Auntie C, she is my alter-ego or as my mother would say "birds of a feather flock together".

The first signs of a crazy weekend experience occured on the plane ride from Atlanta to Rochester. The guy next to me was a cute dude and that was a bonus from the silent lady that sat next to me on the other flight. It got weird when he started telling me about how his friends abused prescription narcotics but they weren't drug addicts...what? He seemed compelled to tell me more details after I told him I was a pharmacy student. Did he think I was going to use their crazy behavior in a journal? Weirdo!

Auntie C. helps run a family pizzeria so we went to visit and make dough...yep probably won't do that again. But they have the most excellent pizza and wings, yum, yum.
Friday, we went to shopping and driving around. We went to the biggest Marshall's I have ever seen in my life and the shoes, OMG! We tried on like 40 pairs, it was fantastic! Auntie bought monkey sock Jack Parcells, they were sweet. Went to the waterfront, ate yummy pumpkin custard and rode the ostriches. Yes, ostriches. They were attached to the carousel, but my mom thought it was hilarious.

Niagra Falls was breathtaking...but as an FYI don't go when it windy because you will be bathed in trout water on the Maid of the Mist. It was like standing in a driving rainstorm with a bunch of blue-people. We pondered what the customs agent would do based on several scenarios like....I don't know her, how'd you get in my car, we're here to go over the falls in a barrel, etc...but alas they didn't ask many questions on the way "back in"

We wondered about the existence of hamburger sushi.

Due to residual effects of margaritas and the fact that I've always wanted to be a blonde ;) ...I hit up a drag queen for his/her? giant hairpiece. It was striking I'm sure but no photo devices were present.

Somewhere along the way we decided that we needed to request peanut-free tables for our "allergies"

And OMG, have you watched Weeds? What a fabulously funny show! I need cable for this show and because the news in this town sucks! This was pushed further day by the lack of coverage of the giant natural disaster occuring in this country, instead there was more info about the owl that died at the zoo of west nile...honestly, folks....get a clue.

Thanks for the fantastic time auntie c., we shall meet again soon, in like October!

WTF!

Been glued to the computer in between running errands and painting the bathroom...

In light of the recent giant natural disaster that has desemated the gulf coast of the USA, guess what our president is doing (daily kos)......?



















Honestly, you could try to hide your inability to lead America and be compassionate. Why are you playing a guitar? I didn't think the prez was supposed to play an instrument during times of disaster...are you procrastinating?

I realize that you don't do jack. We only elected you to pick a cabinet that would do all the work and to speak for us in public, but you suck at it so badly. It's not fair, because we can't get rid of you for 3 more horrible years...what foreign country will you royally piss off between now and then. What kind of atrocities will occur in America that you choose to say little to nothing about? AHHHHHHH!

wind

Question?

Why do reporters, when covering a hurricane, have to walk out into the 150 mph wind and fall on their faces in order to demonstrate that it is windy? Aren't there other objects flying around to demonstrate the wind phenomenon? Do they think it's cool or are they bored? Was it on a bet?

HONESTLY....stop doing that.

We understand that hurricanes are windy, rainy and dangerous!

farewell to a fairweather friend

farewell my fairweather friend who has decided it is not appropriate to call or write back...yep, i'm a little BOTHERED.

this is a farewell for my sanity, if by some act of god you should call or write i may think about speaking to you, but i will probably let you know how BOTHERED i am.

[:p (pissed off tongue sticking out)

I grew up there...

I grew up in Gulfport, MS...and now it will never be as I remembered it.

We were a military family and I think we lived there for about 4 years during my formidable years. This was were I started elementary school, had my first "boyfriend", caught crayfish on the way to school and broke my brothers arm. Sounds disturbing, but it was an accident and he started it. The hospital were we repaired it....destroyed.

A few hurricanes and tornadoes passed thru while we lived there. I was about 5 years old but I will never forget what the streets, trees, and my house looked like when we left the protection of building on base that I think could withstand nuclear war. We ate rations and slept under a dump truck in that giant building, it was the greatest experience for a child. Somehow we were oblivious to the state that I imagine my mother was in...I think my dad was overseas. I digress, the imagine that is seared in my mind was the traffic lights swinging around willy-nilly and the firetrucks at the station on the corner by the headstart.

We had no water and we used water from the pool at the neighbors house...she had birds and we know I feel about birds, and we couldn't flush the toilet...quite the adventure for the fam.

As sad as I am that places that existed in my childhood memories no longer exist, my heart and thoughts go out to those who are there now dealing with this tremendous disaster. I have spent a couple of hours searching for photos of Gulfport and Biloxi on the internet...there are very few. The media is able to inindate any situation and it is very disheartening that even they aren't able to send anything out.

suburban minnesota BFE

What are the best things about the 'rents living in suburban BFE

1. Old guy next door close enough to spy on you while you lay in the yard sun-catching.
2. Large highway less than one block on the gravel road
3. Buffalo farm across the large highway
4. Occasional tractor cruising by
5. Very friendly wildlife
6. Bugs that you will never see in the city...what are those ant-a-pedes?
7. Only 25 minutes from the mall, airport, other modern convienences...
8. Crickets
9. All the neighbors stare because they think you are a burglar
10. And finally, dial-up internet...allowing you to wash clothes in between page downloads.

kudos to mi madre

My mom rocks...I'm sitting at her house cruising the internet on her laptop trying to teach her pre-algebra. I think she is on the verge of poking me in the eye with her very trendy mechanical pencil, but never fear i have my spectacles on. It is amazing to me, the knowledge that we take for granted. Honestly, we don't realize it until we have teach someone else that knowledge. I learned algebra in about sixth grade...so there has been alot of math base built on top of that. Explaining the simplicities of pre-algebra is like pulling my wisdom teeth with a spoon...but anything for my mom.
She has worked so hard to make sure her kids got a good education and were able to attain there dreams whatever they may be. Pharmacy school, the Navy, ski lift operator, forklift driver, gypsy-she never told us we couldn't do something just encouraged us to do more. Now she has moved on to making her dreams come true, I am so proud of her. She has been going to college a few towns over and is doing fantastic. She works so hard and is so neurotic, but she gets better grades than I ever will. Did I mention that she works fulltime? I know that there are many people who do this but they are not my mother.

...remember to use a comma, why are there only odd numbered answers in the solution manual, who told you it worked like that, is there a rule, mean?, median?...prealgebra musings from mom...

Honestly, if she knew I was writing about her while she sat next to me, I would lose my other eye. ;)

new native pride

this article made me think of the native pride that ran through the community and internship that i just left...

eyeball loss due to boredom

I like to be busy, I mean really busy. Business keeps me from thinking, sleeping until one in the afternoon, staring at the wall, sleeping, crawling in the fridge and mostly sleeping. Today and for the last 72 hours, I have so bored I'd like to climb the wall. However, as my friends know I live in the "hobbit house", hence the walls aren't very tall (I live in the attic) and I would get far. My checkbook, the weather and my geographical region aren't cooperating with what I would like to be doing: running, laying on the beach, shopping and drinking expensive coffee.

Deep breath...alas I found something to do.

I have been occupying myself by cleaning like some sort of obsessed animal. I hate, hate, hate, hate cleaning but love the smell of bleach...yes, you should call someone now.

...the underside of the store, top of the frig, under the sink, windowsills and windows, woodfloors, hallway carpet, under the bed, under the couch cushions, under the radiators, the toaster, the pantry floor, walls, woodwork all clean...(sign of relief)

Cleaning is always fun because you find things that you thought were gone forever, like that little piece that busted off the water filter. Then there is always the untimely find of something that has gone awry. My apartment has a census of two (one person, one fourlegged critter). There is a critter that frequents the cabinet under the sink where I keep cleaning supplies, including items that could kill him. I think he missed the lesson that taught he should seek out sweet crumbs and things to chew apart. Or he was abandoned about birth by his mother and was raised by Mr. Clean and the Scrubbing Bubbles. His death is planned for tomorrow.

Ok...back to cleaning...the window screens are next.

why america is fat...mystery solved

America is fat because when they have too much time on their hands they are sucked into the computer and are unable to escape...I have gained a least 6 kilos today.

On that note these snazzy t-shirts envoked a extended lol moment...

can i go back?

how could a small town have left me with some many memories in such a short period of time?

i drove around bemidj for an hour this morning soaking it all in...so many places that i have frequented and not so frequented and with so many wonderful peeps. the cabin...coffee,books, and the guitar, caribou...coffee every am, brigids...harps, irish bowling, js, iverson drug...lots of pharmacy stuff, diamond point...swimming cell phone, windsurfing, star gazing, reading, the airport, the studio, slims...shots and hick music ;), babe the blue ox, art in the park, the dock the geese like, green mill on the lake...can I go back?

after i had made sure that i had removed all condoms that my coworkers stuck to my roof-rack and wiped all the vaseline off the door handles...i took my sweet ass driving home (55 mph). the weather is gross, windy and foggy, here in duluth....can i go back?

my apartment is not yet mine...there are boxes everywhere...sb still is working on moving. can i go back?

i left my heart with someone...can i go back?

Check this out

In the boredom that ensues after your internship has ended, crappy weather prevails and things not going as planned...I have been cruising around the web and found this. So if anyone besides myself reads anything that I post, go there.

T-24 hours

Only one day left of...a wonderful costep with IHS, awesome coworkers, bemidji, dorm life, relaxing, too much time on my hands, no school, running from a reality that I had created, living a real life, uncharted territory, good friends that I will inevitably lose touch with, small town living, caribou coffee with ice every morning, a shower in flipflops, the train in the middle of the night, leisure reading, no responsibilities, long naps, having time to think, eating out alot, thinking if you will call, contemplating if Iwill see you again before we move away...

All of my belonging are packed in Banana Republic bags awaiting their trip to the car with a final duluth destination...there is one more grand pharmacy outing planned for tomorrow night...robin has assured me that we won't get arrested (good call!)...then it's back to a life that I have to mend and try to make it my own again. Although I am not sure if I was ever in possession of it.

I am sad, this is so hard, I don't want to leave...this has become my home. Yes, a kitchen and my own bathroom would be a bonus, but definitely not deal breakers.

I have so many things to say...but no proper venue to express them...so for now they will remain out there.

This is a bit oscillatory...but that's me...deal.

the boot

This is the beuke family farm fence post cover...this boot has been here as long as I can remember. No one seems to know why it's there or how it got there...but this describes most things on the farm. They are there just because one us didn't believe the trash can was good enough for it. I miss you all and happy birthday grandma...much love.

Empowerment

On my road trip with MO this weekend, we were discussing the end to my stay in Bemidji and my homecoming to an empty apartment. I have never lived alone in an apartment, without roommate or family, so I am a bit frightened, ie. scared that I will fail miserably. Living at BSU all summer has given me taste of "alone" living but this is different. This is dorm life, were you leave your door open in order to meet the people that walk by, that doesn't happen in real life. If I did that in my neighborhood, there would be homeless people stopping in for lunch, not that I wouldn't like to feed them, but I don't have food for myself.

MO has lived alone for a year or so and loves it. She believes that living alone and being able to hang with one's self is empowering. Knowing that you are able to do this, being independant, and not having to depend on others for entertainment, comfort, money, etc... gives one a better sense of themselves. Is this why I feel so lost at times, I don't know how to hang out with myself? Is this a disservice that has been rendered upon me by too many years of financially strapped college? Or was this a product of my childhood, big family...small house...dependant on everyone to make all things work? Or that I took care of my brothers more than I thought about myself because that's what my family needed at the time?

Empowerment is defined as an investment of power or to equip or supply with power. How do I apply that to myself?

An investment of power...to equip or supply with power? I think only practice will make perfect; spend time alone...read, quilt, clean, sleep, study, write, dream, paint, hike, bike, relax, reflect, meditate, exercise, run.
As I compile this list, I realize that these are all solitary activities that I already partake. Maybe it takes someone to point out that you can do something in order for you, yourself, to believe as much.

So, why am I so scared, why do I think I will fail, what happens if I fail, who will I call, will anyone understand? I am scared because I never had to try this before...and I've never wanted to. I readily self-proclaim that I don't like doing things alone and hanging out with myself. This proclaimation had to be thrown out the window in May with no turning back, now I must figure this out for myself and my sanity. I can't fail at this, it's not possible, everyone can do this, they just might not be good at it.

Phil and Molly's wedding festivities

Phil and Molly are good friends from pharmacy school. This weekend they tied the knot in one of the most fun weddings I have attended in long time. It was like a mini-pharmacy reunion, even though we will all reconvene in 2 weeks for one more year of hellish-paced learning. We all stayed in the same hotel...someone should have warned them this wasn't bright...and danced the night away on the miniature dance floor.

In an attempt to preserve hysterical history... a listing of funnies and pictures follows...if you need further explanation ask CC, MO, AH or JB...

..."I want to brush my teeth", new crowned Wine Spiller #3, "we have to go" (the spider), "can I just kiss you", "your name is Jasmine", big drunk guy scaling the pool fence in tux, neck pain, man-nurse, the reasoning behind the name tube, Jag-bombs, "your name is Angela", "I'm shitfaced", "he's trainable", Spitz educating wee folk on picking up "the ladies", Daniel dancing, bubbles, why they call hime TUBE, "can I get you something to drink", AH getting carded more than once, TC's new girl singing Madonna songs, offending the med student, long-lost distant cousins, seven hour drive home, lazy river, the table drama, "big hands", and finally the crib on the jeep....




All the photos, above were taken while sober...

Then, the force over took them and "T" got ahold of the camera... Yes, those fuzzy people are dancing.

All-in-all, a fantastic time was had by all. Congrats to Molly and Phil...

---isms...

Everyone has there own ecletic array of words or phrases that they use that are...just them. In my circle of friends there are many of these -isms floating around. In an effort to document the changing use of the english language, I will publish some of them here...with some definitions for all of you who don't know these people.

• blazing--fast
• "off like a herd of birds"
• smitten kitten
• "all skin and no bones" -what does this mean?
• i'm like kleenex-random and fluffy--(sorry js, this doesn't work for you!)
• shocking!!
• inappropriate--used very frequently, it is very funny
• i just thru up a little in my mouth--just realized this was from dodgeball
• commander dude--yes, this one is all mine!
• tool
• what a douche bag!--this is reserved for very stupid people

There are more...i know it...I will continue to think and add as they come to me. As you can see it was a uneventful day of not working...yah! Only three days left in Bemidji!

Running...

running i have missed you...even though you tried to off me today by throwing a tree root on top of my toes...i will forgive you. we will play again soon...maybe tomorrow...630? my running shoes are beaming at me from the corner, they too are happy. they don't enjoy trampsing around the tile in the pharmacy as much as they like kicking my ass on the blacktop...good to see you again too shoes....but we will have to work harder tomorrow because mcdonald's french fries called my name after i left you this evening...whoops. ;)

running makes me sleep and get rid of the screaming inside my head...it was loud today...so i ran fast and took many breaks to look at the lake and laugh at the ducks...and now i shall sleep.

quarter life update

A solution to the quarter life crisis is still in motion...if you are unfamiliar with this crisis please refer to the quadra-pod. I have done a lot of "me" searching this summer and have done a lot of pleasure reading...yes, it does happen...hence the following entry.

A long time ago, a LB suggested that I read "The Alchemist"--but I thought to myself, how can such a small book contain such a great message? After reading, it is not that I was not aware of all of the propecies and philosophies about life that this book tells of, but sometimes it takes many people and may different ways to realize the main message.

Words of wisdom for Jill, remember these they are important:

Don't be afraid of success or love or danger or life, learn to listen to your heart carefully, it will lead the way on all of your many adventures. Try to recapture that feeling from when you were young and invicible...use it to attain your dreams...even if they change daily...every change ultimately leads to the same place...happiness and love.

As I sit and read what I just wrote it sounds so corny and unrealistic in this fast paced world that we live in. Even if the world has evolved into fast and unforgiving the ultimate underlying principles should be the same, right? Does everyone have this lost or not quite on kilter feeling every once in a while?

Goals written for self: think before you jump, not because it will hurt but because it might be the wrong direction...fight for your dreams and success...remember that everything happens for a reason...and above all, listen to your heart.

Home Sweet Duluth, part II

This is attempt number 2 to post this...internet explorer is not playing nice and has crashed twice.

One more simple pleasure to share and photo of one of my favorite Duluth "spots"

Fitger's Brewhouse, Tap Room and the Red Star

so many memories

so many excellent times

the brewhouse

beers from imagination

bananas with hint of clove

amazing

triathalon

lester river ipa

lighthouse golden

brewed on site

brass vats and rubber boots

chicken quesadillas with

guacamole

local acoustic music

Charlie Parr

contemplation

gossip

rant

tap room

smokey

two dollar coors light

dark

trampled by turtles

johnny holms

sings margaritaville

and songs by nelly

gb leighton

beautiful sound

everyone

jump in unison

red star

martini bar

smokey

seems exclusive

space ship-ism

couches on the wall

dj in the corner

3 in 1 shaker

don't drive

walk

And now for one of my favorite running spots and quiet places...few cars, breezy, water and trees for miles, 3 miles from downtown, lester river right around the corner, beautiful and did I mention quiet.