where have i been...

so i have been told that i am boring because i never write on my blog. there is a good reason for this lapse in updates...no internet access! so at this very moment i am very excited because i don't have to go back to bemidji tomorrow because i have to go to school for a meeting, the twinkies just clinched the division championship and i went duck hunting for the first time ever this weekend. we hunted in several different forums...in a canoe, in a canoe and in the weeds. i much prefer the in the weeds...the canoe gets a little out of hand. so tonight i am going to relax because i feel like i have been running around like a chicken/duck with my head cut off all weekend. ciao.

dilemma...

drinking a few brews and writing a presentation about rotavirus and HPV...this is not working very well! And no TV...sad.

how rude!

just because i sound like a 6 year old child on the phone does not give you the right to speak to me like i just fell off the turnip truck. this happens every once in a while but it is really bothering me today.
where does this contempt for mankind come from? the customer service at verizon! my cellphone is a piece of crap...it hangs up on people very, very often, it doesn't switch between roaming and not roaming without turning off the phone, and finally it now does not charge!
in order to remedy the roaming problem i was supposed to type a code into my phone everytime i leave my home to pick up the roaming codes! what!!!! my other phone didnot have this problem. and obviously, according to the verizon demon, i was supposed to know this. did you know this?

my favorite yet creepy

Windy Ridge at Mt St Helens facing away from the mountain. It is like a toothpick factory up there.

flowers at mt st helens in july

an update...

hello...
yes, i still live here. I should supply you with an update so you will once again feel like you know me. So here goes...

• yes, i am still kind of crazy
  
• I bought giant sunglasses today...just like those prissy ladies as TC says
  
• Going to the driving range alot...trying to learn how to golf
  
• Have our first actual game of golf tomorrow! Get off the golf course.
  
• I am going to be a resident camp counseler for a week! Wow...who thought that would be a good idea?
  
• I bought 4 golf clubs the other day
  
• still on rotations...admin for the next few weeks, then on to peds where Jeff is going to make me work
• TC comes home this weekend and next weekend...whoa. what's that going to be like?
  
• It blazing hot in my apartment!
  
• I am going to River Falls Days this weekend! College reunion here we come!
  
• Got a little drunk last night on Key Lime Martini's...yummy!
  
• One of my family members might be having a baby...nope not me!
  
• I have learned that Andrianna has the dirtiest mind...EVER!
  
• Jen has a boyfriend! yea!
  
• Picked cherries in the orchard a few weeks back...it was so cool! Except it was 100 degrees.
  
• My allergies are now under control after I broke all the blood vessels in the top of my mouth from sneezing. Ouch!
  
• I am going to the science museum this weekend.
  
• And no, I still don't have a tan.
  

That's about it. Keep you later.

the competition!

I have decided to upon a competition with TC; but he doesn't know it yet. Actually, I don't know if I will ever tell him; unless he reads this! He runs alot and is getting all buff. I can not allow him to be more in shape than me! I will run and bike more than him! I will be more buff! It is a secret don't tell him...
On a side note, I ran today and I think I am going to barf!

catch me if you can!

giving up....i don't think so!

sometimes i feel like giving up on things...but i don't remember how. but if i remember correctly, giving up is a whole lot harder than fighting for things that i love and want. i have only cried myself to sleep about half the days of june but at least it wasn't all of them. one rotation is nearly complete and it has gotten so much better. my glue comes home in 11 weeks; who knew nearly 6 weeks would go so quickly. i move from my favorite place, home, in 11 weeks; yikes it's coming fast! i can't give up on him...he stole my heart and word on the street is that he is unwilling to give it back. i can't give up on pharmacy...rotations are a bit poopy at times but i owe the government a crazy amount of money; they would hunt me down. in addition, i refuse to give up naps which i am going to partake in right about know.....

i pinch...

i think this is fall off the couch HI-larious...tc doesn't think so. i presume because i practice the pinch theory on him. hehe!

i would tend to agree...

why is it the belief of some that they are able to determine the rights of others; to take away liberties that are allowed to straight couples. what it must be like to be told that you are not entitled to the same rights as others, primarily because you are not mainstream. shouldn't everyone be entitled to similar things.

feet

i don't really like feet...
but guess
who's these are all
cozied up together???

imagine only 4 days...

I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me

-you are priceless and mean more to me than anything-

they don't have a doc on staff

Watched CSI:somewhere the other day and would like to comment on something. Keep in mind that I love this show, it is very fascinating. Anyway, on a recent episode their was the gentlemen blowing things up and it just so happened that they found one of his hair's in the detonator. A shocking turn of events really, I would have imagined that would have blown up with the bomb, but sometimes I am a bit naive. In this hair, the forensic people were able to tell that this gentleman was taking haldol, but had recently stopped taking this dirty anti-psych med. I say dirty because it has a lot of side effects but for the most part works pretty well. The best part of this story is when they estimated a dose of haldol he had been previously taking...100 mg daily (extremely high dose-i usually see about 10 mg daily max)! No shit he stopped, he was probably experiencing the most horrendous dyskinesia known to man. He was actually unable to physically take the med and how he built a bomb is another mystery. I almost swallowed my teeth and they are all attached. Good times on syndicated television; doesn't everyone have access to a PDR if they want? We should send the CSI's one.

the wedding...not mine!

lament

As I sit on the couch, trying to attain some of my life drive back after a heroining trip through three years of pharmacy school that has nearly drained my of my spirit. But alas, I have not failed, I have persevered.
I have not lamented on the success that I have worked so hard to attained or the wonderful friends that I have made over these past few years. This has been a hard journey that I didn't believe would ever come to an end but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Endless nights of studying until I couldn't see straight, more exams than I can recall and endless note packets and books. Things that are were so familar to me, are now a thing of the past; breakout rooms, ephect, my chair, my table, ITV, my faculty, the parking lot attendant, the reading room, rushing to see what was in our mailboxes, chicken strip salads, the list is endless. I could have never imagined that I would learn so much in such a short period of time. And now it is my duty to help others and make their lives enjoyable.
Unfortunately, patients can not be the thing that drives my life. My happiness is of the utmost importance; what is that happiness. My friends and family are my happiness. I have made friendships that will last a lifetime at UMD and continue to hold onto a few from UWRF. The crazy thing about pharmacy is that it is a small profession and I will always see my friends at conventions and talk to them when I need their advise. We have made so many memories together that I couldn't even begin to write them all down. And them there is the love of my life; who knew that one day we would end up together. He makes me smile every moment of everyday. He makes me laugh. He makes me cry. He pulls me out of my comfort zone. He loves me. He lives across the country for the summer; a test from above of how hard I will work for something I believe to be the greatest thing. He took a small positive chance that he didn't think would change his life...what does he think now? He has wiggled into mine.

i feel complete again

I have finally broken down and purchased some internet service. I have a feeling of wholeness again. Is that wrong? Now I can resume spying on all of my friends on Facebook, surfing the internet until all hours of the morning and writing inappropriate IM's to TC.

crying...

it has begun...i cry at the drop of a hat or the mention of the impending departure. or the end of a scholarly era. or the end of friends that live down the street. deep breaths...deep breaths!

holy bananas

only 4 days lefts of class, 15 meetings, 4 finals, a few papers, not enough time, and 2 weeks with TC. there are so many things i need to do and to say to all of my wonderful friends and collegeues.

and there is a bird free falling...

people are silly...

nutrition follies

julia child's on the issue of pediatric total parenteral nutrition....tacro-le-mus may be consuming electrolytes. OMG...next she will be tasting the 10% Intralipid! Ewwwww!
Oh, in case you don't know that is not how you say tacrolimus and she said it way to many times to count! Needless to say my attention span...not so great!

since when...

There are 22 or 23 days left in my professional career as a student. I would like to enjoy the craziness that ensues at the end of the semester. Unfortunately, there are bad apples among us who believe it is there god given right to complain about everything but only do that. Since when is it okay to complain and not do anything to do anything about your issue. I seriously donot want to repeatedly to hear about how bad you think you have it, how you have aways gotten the shortend of the stick, how you are always the guinea pig. Honestly, life is not easy. It never has been for most of us.
Instead of complaining, why don't you spend all the time you have wasted complaining and do something about whatever problem you have today. Take this opportunity to learn something about yourself, and the drive that exists somewhere inside you. Also, take into consideration that it could be a whole lot worse. For instance, instead of a 20 page research paper, you could be writing a thesis and defending it. News flash...you have had to work hard for everything you have so far, why would you be handed your Doctor of Pharmacy degree on a silver platter! Fucking suck it up people...I don't want to hear your whiny voices any longer.
I am seriously contemplating going to Health Services and requesting some benzos or perhaps a beta-blocker because I am sure that my blood pressure has risen above the desired mark way to many times to be safe this week.
Deep breathes!!!

my thought of the day!

studying sucks ass!

cloud 9.5...

this is where i have been living lately and i love it...
i cannot be super rattled by BS and my deep disdain for them...
MO is upset because i am not as upset as she is and evidently i am difficult to complain to these days...
our not-so-secret but we try endeavor is super fun...
and soon i will find out how fond distance will make the heart...deep breathes!
i am smitten! hehe...i don't think i know what that word means but it sounds fun.

san fran recap!

Okay...so there were no drunken posts. But there is a valid reason for that; I'd drink myself silly which is usually the fuel for technology adventures. Why, you say, did you not imbibe in copious amounts? Well, we stayed in a frightening neighborhood and I at times feared I would be taken and, well, I prefer to be sober for kidnappings and such.
But I had lots of other fun, we did lots of sightseeing...alcatraz, lombardi street, the wharf, ghiradelli square, napa valley, mondovi winery tours, union square, the "rice-a-roni" trolleys, strip clubs (we walked by everyday on the way to the conference), awesome shopping and an anti-war protest...
Hung out with small positive chance guy for 24 hours a day for 7 days! It was the longest date of my life...and it was amazing.
Went to the pharmacy conference, was totally annoyed with stupid people who display poor planning and blame it on me, learned that you can do anything if you lie well, and finally that drama runs rampant when 120 pharmacy students from the same school travel together. Seriously, we could have taped a soap-opera!
OMG...and they had amazing food! I was super adventurous in my food selections and very proud of myself. Sushi, tempora, sake, unknown chinese food, copious amounts of garlic and clam chowder. I don't like seafood so this was a huge step outside the box.
Okay...have to go to Kappa Psi initiation...back to the bullshit!
T-28 days until I am done with pharmacy school bookwork! Yeehaw!

leaving on a jet plane

Leaving for san fran tonight! I have never been so excited to leave on vacation in my life. I was awake at 8 am this morning ready to get on the plane; to bad it doesn't leave MPLS until 9 pm. There are 108 pharmacy students from the University of Minnesota traveling to Cali to make some noise for the professional, drink some beverages and see some sites. It is not so warm there but we have a heated outdoor pool which I be relaxing in and checking out the dudes; one in particular! hehe. We have wireless free internet in the hotel which I equate to drunk dialing. Bad things always end up published when drunk.
Going to alcatraz tomorrow...hopefully they don't try to keep me. Yikes. Fun updates to follow!

a sad ending to a wonderful life...

I am not a sports fan. It is just not something that I do; I prefer PBS. But I will never forget who I wanted to be when I was 7 years old...Kirby Puckett! You were my idol; the reason why I would spend hours with my brothers catching fly balls and played 12 years of softball year round until a high school coach broke my spirit. You incited a little piece of excitement in everyone every time your name was mentioned. I watched you on TV with my grandpa...I didn't know much about the game but I knew that you were always the one that made the game fun to watch. In some weird way, I credit you with helping my grandpa and I get along so well. I don't have time to be sad this week; I have a pediatrics exam in one hour and need to study. You lived a wonderful life and I was greatly saddened but hopeful when I saw that you had experienced a stroke. It was your time and you will be remembered well. Rest in piece Mr Puckett!

DREW!!!! this one is for you buddy!

Blue moon keg here we come! The horrible Infectious Disease test is over...no test for one week and we are gonna drink like fishies! YEAAAA! And yes, blue moon kegs are expensive but we are practicing in order to fit into our medical profession lifestyle! J/K we like good beer!

a small positive chance...

A good friend shared a great piece of wisdom with me last night over coffee which kept me up until 4 am. He said, "you should always take small positive chances; cause they will never be life threatening just potentially life altering..." I am curious about his most recent small positive chance; he doesn't seem like the sort of person that takes any chances. He is so calculated, or as I told him a square with the occasionally bump. Very intrigued am I!

disgruntled student alert!

I have been at school more this week than anytime in recent memory. Studying my ass off for a test that is very important to my pharmacy success. I am starving, sleep derived, unkept, and annoyed. My eyes and brain are no longer connecting; there is no synapse firing occuring. I am having dreams about C.diff and how to treat the "new" strain that contains the binary toxin. Riveting huh? I have 4 tests next week; don't want to take those. But then off to San Fran to hang out with a bunch of pharmacists, what could be funner. I am leaving school now, going to happy hour at Blackwoods. It seems that a steady stream of socializing is the only way to keep me from losing my mind completely. Last night it was a kegger in a blizzard. That was fun except I slept on the smallest couch possible, called people I shouldn't have, made an ass of myself to the same friend and was the only third year girl there. But hey, those first years are a fun bunch!

Oooo....these are good!

Instructions For Life from the Dalai Lama (2005)

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three "R's"
respect for self
respect for others
responsibility for all your actions
4. Spend some time alone every day.
5. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
6. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
7. Live a good and honorable life; then, when you are old, you'll be able to enjoy it again.
8. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for life.
9. In disagreements with those you love, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
10. Share your knowledge.
11. Be gentle with the earth.
12. Once every year, go someplace you have never been before.

this is my subconcious???

My inner self says this to my outer self!!!

fog...

its foggy. fuzzy. flying emotions. no words to explain. no words to find. tongue-tied.

we are strangers. no words between us. you and i hold onto fog. what are we searching for?

comfort. a laugh. kind words. awkward moments. passing glances. glancing kisses.

inability to self-sustain. runaway from what i thought i wanted. searching for a needle. never to be found. it is lost in the fog. the fog of my mind.

my mind is detrimental. mouth of falling words. quick emotions. slow thought. stubborn. mind over matter.

hello facebook, blogger stalker

okay...so we have discussed this stalking phenom before, now it's happening again.

Who am I talking about?

Well here are you demographics and it would be cool if you would identify yourself...

1. you live somewhere near Kirkland, WA
2. you get to my blog via my Facebook profile
3. you are on my blog nearly daily
4. i don't know anyone from WA who would have access to my Facebook

so...you are totally freaking me out. Please let me know who you are! Thanks. Cheeri-0!

watch out...criminals are ugly!

This study looks at the correlation between attractiveness and criminal behavior...evidently criminals are ugly people. This is sad. Does it relate to their not so good for the skin lifestyles of drugs, alcohol and life on the street? Were they born to be criminals, is it genetic? Does bad personal hygiene lead you to a life of crime? Interesting thoughts...

so she tells me...

My mom emails me today and says "it's cold outside, in case you haven't noticed....stay inside!" This is great! It is 15 below out right now, with the threat of 35 below tonight! How could I not notice that it is face-freezing-frigid outside. But this is Minnesota, I live next to a giant body of water that throwing off 25 mph winds, and I will not let it win. So...gather up your woohaa's and go see a good show. Well, that's what I'm doing tonight, how about you?

dammit...

So I was pretty sure that I had "found myself" as my mother likes to say. However, it was a false alarm, I am still lost and awandering. I know what I want to be when I grow up, that is the easy part. Pediatric clinical pharmacist, just in case you are wondering. The hard, lost part is who I want to be, who do I aspire to portray, what makes me smile on the inside, why do I like being alone for the most part, why am I so fricking stubborn, why am I afraid to let people in...there are lots of why's in there. I don't have the answers to those. It is imperative that I find the answers to them. So for now the plan is to well...find myself! Am I up for this journey? I thought I was done with this or did I think that Johnny was going to help me. Either way I was wrong. The finding was just beginning, it took me 3 years the last time, why did I think it was going to be shorter this time. He is the cat's pajamas but I don't have the right sized cat. I am sorry. I really enjoy his company, but I don't think we like each other the same way, I don't think we want the same thing. Maybe we were meant to meet in a few years, maybe we were meant to become great friends, maybe...maybe...maybe...???....
I aspire to be a great writer, a great clinician, a great photographer, a great person, a mom, a wife, a grandma, a neighbor, speaker of the house, a sailor, a world traveler with my mom and auntie c, a wine taster...
Can I have fun for the rest of my life at the rate I do now? I'll let you know in 75 years!
Wish me luck on my journey...

this kid rules...

this is the ultimate distraction...

the olympics...not looking at this crazy red-headed kid! does snowboarding make all the oldies in the crowd cringe because now it's a sport?
i totally have to do this activity more often but it totally wreck my old, crackly body...
mr. flying tomato you are my hero today...
and doesn't that 1080 make you dizzy?

can't help but think...

After watching "Wedding Crashers" about 17 times I have improper assumptions about life. The most recent on being the quail hunt accident with Dick Cheney...it makes me think of that part in the movie. Was this guy moving in on Mr Cheney's lady? Was it really accidently? I am sorry it makes me laugh. Good luck little old guy with the recovery...

hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil...

this is not an accurate respresentation of me...shit falls out of my mouth and usually it is totally obscene!

pan of jello shots...

these are my girls...

we ate a pan of jello shots...

drank some vodka/redbulls...

ate torched pizza...

danced it up at johnny holms...

slept in until 3 pm...

guess what...

it is my birthday! i am officially old...and my quarter life crisis is over! Although I have to admit that don't feel any wiser, if anything I feel pretty stupid. Especially after Ms. Rho chi-roll bit my head off several times today during case discussions. I am sorry I haven't committed every fine print detail about CHF to memory. Are you going to yell at your patients? Come-on lady!

life ramblings.

you make me laugh...you are crazy "johnny"...you are "johnny allday"...
the guy who cuts my hair knows more about me than you...incidently
he thinks that I am graduating from high school this spring...evidently
i look young...you ramble...i am a bad listener...you drive me up the
wall...your mom is awesome...i have never dated someone with cool
parents...my friends love you...you can and will slam a glass of wine
...chardonney gives you heartburn...it is the only wine that doesn't make
me puke...i love you....you drive me up the wall...you have the attention
span of a hamster...i have the attention span of a hamster...i have no idea
when you are going to graduate from college...do you?...you are a philosophy
major, i think, and you practice...i am a bad listener...i don't share
your mindset...you have some birthday candles to get...you talk alot...
you don't think before you open your mouth sometimes...wait i too have that
problem...you write me poetry...you respect me...you love me...you drive
me up the wall...i need some space...lots of space...we are not together
anymore...we are dating...we are seeing less of each other...i think you are
skinner than me...you are not, just small...i can push you across the bar...
you drive me up the wall...you are so kind to me...dammit i don't know
what to do...i am stubborn...i can't forget or get around that you drive
me up the wall...

ATTN: Duluth Pharmacists!

Here we come....Duluth pharmacy students will soon be called upon to remove flocks of flamingoes from your front yards or back yards. If it can happen on the UW-Madison campus it can happen here! Frankly, I think pink is the new black!!!

procrastination...

how many hours in a week would you say YOU spend on Facebook?...stalking random friends? ...trying to find more friends lest you are a loser the fewer you have? ...leaving inappropriate messages on people's walls and laughing? ...poking as many people as possible?
...joining groups? ...checking out the new officers at the College of Pharmacy Duluth Drinking Team and laughing until you pee because you were there for that one?

Study Jill, Study! Is this an addiction? Should I call Hazelden? Do they have an outpatient program for Facebook addicts? I'm scared!

ever been...

Ever been wait staff at a restaurant, clerk at clothing store, fast food restaurant slave, pee-on healthcare staff...
If not, I suggest it. Especially if you find yourself flying off the handle at people who help you eat, drug yourself, or tell you that you don't look fat in that hideous shirt! On the other hand, if you are one of these people you are probably self consumed and would probably not notice that you are being a total ass-face. So my renewed recommendation would be that everyone try at least one of these career options sometime in life...the earlier the better. It also may be necessary that you take up one of these options every five years lest you forget what it's like to be on the ass-end of the rude people who believe they are better than you.
Question: Why are people that work with in the company always the rudest? I have found that SMDC employees are the worst; they are always yelling and demanding that they are correct. Hello...you are NOT correct. Prescription refills take up to 48 hours to be authorized for everyone and no physicians are not in on the weekend! But I am sure that you knew that!
Wow...this entry has taken on a whole different life than what I thought it would...thanks for listening?!?

nutrition follies

WT Shier: Some people refuse to eat dead animals...
(how many people willing eat live animals?)
Spitz: What do you mean by dead animals? ....

crap!

site meter is now claiming that i am logging in from superior...ewwww! And it is pouring rain in January and it's 32 degrees outside...do the math!

concert drunkies!

Check out these hotties...

Brad Paisley, Sara Evans, and Billy Currington makes for a good time. Lots of beer, tequila and a jag bomb...yippee!

This was birthday present from Johnny...it was a fantastic concert. Screamed my lungs off.

Weirdo thing...Shannon was there too. Sitting 10 rows up...with his new girlfriend. I am totally happy for him...way to move on!

thought question?

If you were blind, amputee how would you read braille on the elevator?
.
.
.
.
Assuming that you thought this person had arms, now assume that they had no limbs; same question.
.
.
.
.

informal poll...

Does W T Shier (professor at U of M CoPharmacy) more closely resemble Drew Carey or Henry Kissinger....

Duluth students are leaning towards Henry Kissinger...

It would be helpful if there was a picture of WT Shier, huh?

LINK (thanks Drew)

some quotes!

"those emo chicks are totally into guys that make out with each
other"

Ummm...ewww! Evidently I am not EMO!

"my hepatitis lump is leaking..."

HAHA...yucky but funny!

"nice to meet you again, Jenny..."

That is not my name...buddy!

stupid media

I have been reading "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey and it is an amazingly, horrific story. It is a memoir of this man struggled to become clean from drug and alcohol. It tells the story of his life while he was doing drugs and also his struggle through treatment at a Minnesota treatment center. This a great book, especially for someone who doesn't understand the struggles of addiction and what the addict perceives and why they might participate in certain behaviors.
I am truly annoyed with the medias thinking that the fact that some of the aspects of this story don't ring true with law enforcement, healthcare official or the FAA is an important story. Let keep in mind that this man can write whatever the fuck he wants, maybe it will pull someone out of their perfect world bubble. Secondly, since when is the recollection of someone who is high out of their mind perfectly correct. I am sure that their are probably things that happened to this man that he will never remember. Give the man a little slack, read the book and reflect on how good your life is without a drug and/or alcohol addiction. Also, that treatment center is right down the street from where I grew up...I helps bring me home.

i don't deserve u!

you look into my eyes like you can see my soul
could braid your eyelashes; they are so long
kiss me with your eyes open, eyes close
pull me closer. tell me what's in your heart.
i am listening more than you know.
let me see that you are vulnerable
that you are self-concious too.
wake up next to me-
will you still be there when I return?
you amaze me everyday
listen.talk.write.hold.laugh.dance
make me smile when you're not around
make me blush when they tease me
they think i'm smitten, am I?
do i deserve you?
i am so busy. unfocused. confused. driven.
where do you fit?
take it as it comes, they say....
try harder, not everything in life is plannable
this is scary
what if it doesn't work out?
why do i deserve you?
help me to share what is in my heart
don't be shy. he isn't.
you know what is in his heart.