8.31.2005
bad wednesday
have been crying for a few hours on and off. my head is pounding. my eyes are unable to open all the way. it feels like there is moss growing inside my swollen nose. brian williams makes me cry. my best friend just left with the last of his belongings. i just lost a best friend. every where i turn there is a memory. i think i thought this would be easier. i should have picked a different route. evidently others knew we weren't getting along, thanks for telling me. why are all of my friends out of town at the fair or sleeping. i think i am dehydrated. i feel like a wimp. crying sucks. realization that i may be unable to be and stay happy for extended periods of time. realization that that totally blows. america is going down the toilet along with my world...fan-fucking-tastic.
8.30.2005
My most recent R & R
Just returned from my summer vacation of 2005.
Rochester, NY was the destination of the last 4 days...nothing was accomplished and many one-line absurdities were proclaimed. Went to visit my Auntie C, she is my alter-ego or as my mother would say "birds of a feather flock together".
The first signs of a crazy weekend experience occured on the plane ride from Atlanta to Rochester. The guy next to me was a cute dude and that was a bonus from the silent lady that sat next to me on the other flight. It got weird when he started telling me about how his friends abused prescription narcotics but they weren't drug addicts...what? He seemed compelled to tell me more details after I told him I was a pharmacy student. Did he think I was going to use their crazy behavior in a journal? Weirdo!
Auntie C. helps run a family pizzeria so we went to visit and make dough...yep probably won't do that again. But they have the most excellent pizza and wings, yum, yum.
Friday, we went to shopping and driving around. We went to the biggest Marshall's I have ever seen in my life and the shoes, OMG! We tried on like 40 pairs, it was fantastic! Auntie bought monkey sock Jack Parcells, they were sweet. Went to the waterfront, ate yummy pumpkin custard and rode the ostriches. Yes, ostriches. They were attached to the carousel, but my mom thought it was hilarious.
Niagra Falls was breathtaking...but as an FYI don't go when it windy because you will be bathed in trout water on the Maid of the Mist. It was like standing in a driving rainstorm with a bunch of blue-people. We pondered what the customs agent would do based on several scenarios like....I don't know her, how'd you get in my car, we're here to go over the falls in a barrel, etc...but alas they didn't ask many questions on the way "back in"
We wondered about the existence of hamburger sushi.
Due to residual effects of margaritas and the fact that I've always wanted to be a blonde ;) ...I hit up a drag queen for his/her? giant hairpiece. It was striking I'm sure but no photo devices were present.
Somewhere along the way we decided that we needed to request peanut-free tables for our "allergies"
And OMG, have you watched Weeds? What a fabulously funny show! I need cable for this show and because the news in this town sucks! This was pushed further day by the lack of coverage of the giant natural disaster occuring in this country, instead there was more info about the owl that died at the zoo of west nile...honestly, folks....get a clue.
Thanks for the fantastic time auntie c., we shall meet again soon, in like October!
Rochester, NY was the destination of the last 4 days...nothing was accomplished and many one-line absurdities were proclaimed. Went to visit my Auntie C, she is my alter-ego or as my mother would say "birds of a feather flock together".
The first signs of a crazy weekend experience occured on the plane ride from Atlanta to Rochester. The guy next to me was a cute dude and that was a bonus from the silent lady that sat next to me on the other flight. It got weird when he started telling me about how his friends abused prescription narcotics but they weren't drug addicts...what? He seemed compelled to tell me more details after I told him I was a pharmacy student. Did he think I was going to use their crazy behavior in a journal? Weirdo!
Auntie C. helps run a family pizzeria so we went to visit and make dough...yep probably won't do that again. But they have the most excellent pizza and wings, yum, yum.
Friday, we went to shopping and driving around. We went to the biggest Marshall's I have ever seen in my life and the shoes, OMG! We tried on like 40 pairs, it was fantastic! Auntie bought monkey sock Jack Parcells, they were sweet. Went to the waterfront, ate yummy pumpkin custard and rode the ostriches. Yes, ostriches. They were attached to the carousel, but my mom thought it was hilarious.
Niagra Falls was breathtaking...but as an FYI don't go when it windy because you will be bathed in trout water on the Maid of the Mist. It was like standing in a driving rainstorm with a bunch of blue-people. We pondered what the customs agent would do based on several scenarios like....I don't know her, how'd you get in my car, we're here to go over the falls in a barrel, etc...but alas they didn't ask many questions on the way "back in"
We wondered about the existence of hamburger sushi.
Due to residual effects of margaritas and the fact that I've always wanted to be a blonde ;) ...I hit up a drag queen for his/her? giant hairpiece. It was striking I'm sure but no photo devices were present.
Somewhere along the way we decided that we needed to request peanut-free tables for our "allergies"
And OMG, have you watched Weeds? What a fabulously funny show! I need cable for this show and because the news in this town sucks! This was pushed further day by the lack of coverage of the giant natural disaster occuring in this country, instead there was more info about the owl that died at the zoo of west nile...honestly, folks....get a clue.
Thanks for the fantastic time auntie c., we shall meet again soon, in like October!
WTF!
Been glued to the computer in between running errands and painting the bathroom...
In light of the recent giant natural disaster that has desemated the gulf coast of the USA, guess what our president is doing (daily kos)......?
Honestly, you could try to hide your inability to lead America and be compassionate. Why are you playing a guitar? I didn't think the prez was supposed to play an instrument during times of disaster...are you procrastinating?
I realize that you don't do jack. We only elected you to pick a cabinet that would do all the work and to speak for us in public, but you suck at it so badly. It's not fair, because we can't get rid of you for 3 more horrible years...what foreign country will you royally piss off between now and then. What kind of atrocities will occur in America that you choose to say little to nothing about? AHHHHHHH!
In light of the recent giant natural disaster that has desemated the gulf coast of the USA, guess what our president is doing (daily kos)......?
Honestly, you could try to hide your inability to lead America and be compassionate. Why are you playing a guitar? I didn't think the prez was supposed to play an instrument during times of disaster...are you procrastinating?
I realize that you don't do jack. We only elected you to pick a cabinet that would do all the work and to speak for us in public, but you suck at it so badly. It's not fair, because we can't get rid of you for 3 more horrible years...what foreign country will you royally piss off between now and then. What kind of atrocities will occur in America that you choose to say little to nothing about? AHHHHHHH!
8.29.2005
wind
Question?
Why do reporters, when covering a hurricane, have to walk out into the 150 mph wind and fall on their faces in order to demonstrate that it is windy? Aren't there other objects flying around to demonstrate the wind phenomenon? Do they think it's cool or are they bored? Was it on a bet?
HONESTLY....stop doing that.
We understand that hurricanes are windy, rainy and dangerous!
Why do reporters, when covering a hurricane, have to walk out into the 150 mph wind and fall on their faces in order to demonstrate that it is windy? Aren't there other objects flying around to demonstrate the wind phenomenon? Do they think it's cool or are they bored? Was it on a bet?
HONESTLY....stop doing that.
We understand that hurricanes are windy, rainy and dangerous!
farewell to a fairweather friend
farewell my fairweather friend who has decided it is not appropriate to call or write back...yep, i'm a little BOTHERED.
this is a farewell for my sanity, if by some act of god you should call or write i may think about speaking to you, but i will probably let you know how BOTHERED i am.
[:p (pissed off tongue sticking out)
this is a farewell for my sanity, if by some act of god you should call or write i may think about speaking to you, but i will probably let you know how BOTHERED i am.
[:p (pissed off tongue sticking out)
I grew up there...
I grew up in Gulfport, MS...and now it will never be as I remembered it.
We were a military family and I think we lived there for about 4 years during my formidable years. This was were I started elementary school, had my first "boyfriend", caught crayfish on the way to school and broke my brothers arm. Sounds disturbing, but it was an accident and he started it. The hospital were we repaired it....destroyed.
A few hurricanes and tornadoes passed thru while we lived there. I was about 5 years old but I will never forget what the streets, trees, and my house looked like when we left the protection of building on base that I think could withstand nuclear war. We ate rations and slept under a dump truck in that giant building, it was the greatest experience for a child. Somehow we were oblivious to the state that I imagine my mother was in...I think my dad was overseas. I digress, the imagine that is seared in my mind was the traffic lights swinging around willy-nilly and the firetrucks at the station on the corner by the headstart.
We had no water and we used water from the pool at the neighbors house...she had birds and we know I feel about birds, and we couldn't flush the toilet...quite the adventure for the fam.
As sad as I am that places that existed in my childhood memories no longer exist, my heart and thoughts go out to those who are there now dealing with this tremendous disaster. I have spent a couple of hours searching for photos of Gulfport and Biloxi on the internet...there are very few. The media is able to inindate any situation and it is very disheartening that even they aren't able to send anything out.
We were a military family and I think we lived there for about 4 years during my formidable years. This was were I started elementary school, had my first "boyfriend", caught crayfish on the way to school and broke my brothers arm. Sounds disturbing, but it was an accident and he started it. The hospital were we repaired it....destroyed.
A few hurricanes and tornadoes passed thru while we lived there. I was about 5 years old but I will never forget what the streets, trees, and my house looked like when we left the protection of building on base that I think could withstand nuclear war. We ate rations and slept under a dump truck in that giant building, it was the greatest experience for a child. Somehow we were oblivious to the state that I imagine my mother was in...I think my dad was overseas. I digress, the imagine that is seared in my mind was the traffic lights swinging around willy-nilly and the firetrucks at the station on the corner by the headstart.
We had no water and we used water from the pool at the neighbors house...she had birds and we know I feel about birds, and we couldn't flush the toilet...quite the adventure for the fam.
As sad as I am that places that existed in my childhood memories no longer exist, my heart and thoughts go out to those who are there now dealing with this tremendous disaster. I have spent a couple of hours searching for photos of Gulfport and Biloxi on the internet...there are very few. The media is able to inindate any situation and it is very disheartening that even they aren't able to send anything out.
8.24.2005
suburban minnesota BFE
What are the best things about the 'rents living in suburban BFE
- Old guy next door close enough to spy on you while you lay in the yard sun-catching.
- Large highway less than one block on the gravel road
- Buffalo farm across the large highway
- Occasional tractor cruising by
- Very friendly wildlife
- Bugs that you will never see in the city...what are those ant-a-pedes?
- Only 25 minutes from the mall, airport, other modern convienences...
- Crickets
- All the neighbors stare because they think you are a burglar
- And finally, dial-up internet...allowing you to wash clothes in between page downloads.
kudos to mi madre
My mom rocks...I'm sitting at her house cruising the internet on her laptop trying to teach her pre-algebra. I think she is on the verge of poking me in the eye with her very trendy mechanical pencil, but never fear i have my spectacles on. It is amazing to me, the knowledge that we take for granted. Honestly, we don't realize it until we have teach someone else that knowledge. I learned algebra in about sixth grade...so there has been alot of math base built on top of that. Explaining the simplicities of pre-algebra is like pulling my wisdom teeth with a spoon...but anything for my mom.
She has worked so hard to make sure her kids got a good education and were able to attain there dreams whatever they may be. Pharmacy school, the Navy, ski lift operator, forklift driver, gypsy-she never told us we couldn't do something just encouraged us to do more. Now she has moved on to making her dreams come true, I am so proud of her. She has been going to college a few towns over and is doing fantastic. She works so hard and is so neurotic, but she gets better grades than I ever will. Did I mention that she works fulltime? I know that there are many people who do this but they are not my mother.
...remember to use a comma, why are there only odd numbered answers in the solution manual, who told you it worked like that, is there a rule, mean?, median?...prealgebra musings from mom...
Honestly, if she knew I was writing about her while she sat next to me, I would lose my other eye. ;)
She has worked so hard to make sure her kids got a good education and were able to attain there dreams whatever they may be. Pharmacy school, the Navy, ski lift operator, forklift driver, gypsy-she never told us we couldn't do something just encouraged us to do more. Now she has moved on to making her dreams come true, I am so proud of her. She has been going to college a few towns over and is doing fantastic. She works so hard and is so neurotic, but she gets better grades than I ever will. Did I mention that she works fulltime? I know that there are many people who do this but they are not my mother.
...remember to use a comma, why are there only odd numbered answers in the solution manual, who told you it worked like that, is there a rule, mean?, median?...prealgebra musings from mom...
Honestly, if she knew I was writing about her while she sat next to me, I would lose my other eye. ;)
8.21.2005
new native pride
this article made me think of the native pride that ran through the community and internship that i just left...
eyeball loss due to boredom
I like to be busy, I mean really busy. Business keeps me from thinking, sleeping until one in the afternoon, staring at the wall, sleeping, crawling in the fridge and mostly sleeping. Today and for the last 72 hours, I have so bored I'd like to climb the wall. However, as my friends know I live in the "hobbit house", hence the walls aren't very tall (I live in the attic) and I would get far. My checkbook, the weather and my geographical region aren't cooperating with what I would like to be doing: running, laying on the beach, shopping and drinking expensive coffee.
Deep breath...alas I found something to do.
I have been occupying myself by cleaning like some sort of obsessed animal. I hate, hate, hate, hate cleaning but love the smell of bleach...yes, you should call someone now.
...the underside of the store, top of the frig, under the sink, windowsills and windows, woodfloors, hallway carpet, under the bed, under the couch cushions, under the radiators, the toaster, the pantry floor, walls, woodwork all clean...(sign of relief)
Cleaning is always fun because you find things that you thought were gone forever, like that little piece that busted off the water filter. Then there is always the untimely find of something that has gone awry. My apartment has a census of two (one person, one fourlegged critter). There is a critter that frequents the cabinet under the sink where I keep cleaning supplies, including items that could kill him. I think he missed the lesson that taught he should seek out sweet crumbs and things to chew apart. Or he was abandoned about birth by his mother and was raised by Mr. Clean and the Scrubbing Bubbles. His death is planned for tomorrow.
Ok...back to cleaning...the window screens are next.
Deep breath...alas I found something to do.
I have been occupying myself by cleaning like some sort of obsessed animal. I hate, hate, hate, hate cleaning but love the smell of bleach...yes, you should call someone now.
...the underside of the store, top of the frig, under the sink, windowsills and windows, woodfloors, hallway carpet, under the bed, under the couch cushions, under the radiators, the toaster, the pantry floor, walls, woodwork all clean...(sign of relief)
Cleaning is always fun because you find things that you thought were gone forever, like that little piece that busted off the water filter. Then there is always the untimely find of something that has gone awry. My apartment has a census of two (one person, one fourlegged critter). There is a critter that frequents the cabinet under the sink where I keep cleaning supplies, including items that could kill him. I think he missed the lesson that taught he should seek out sweet crumbs and things to chew apart. Or he was abandoned about birth by his mother and was raised by Mr. Clean and the Scrubbing Bubbles. His death is planned for tomorrow.
Ok...back to cleaning...the window screens are next.
8.19.2005
why america is fat...mystery solved
America is fat because when they have too much time on their hands they are sucked into the computer and are unable to escape...I have gained a least 6 kilos today.
On that note these snazzy t-shirts envoked a extended lol moment...
On that note these snazzy t-shirts envoked a extended lol moment...
8.18.2005
can i go back?
how could a small town have left me with some many memories in such a short period of time?
i drove around bemidj for an hour this morning soaking it all in...so many places that i have frequented and not so frequented and with so many wonderful peeps. the cabin...coffee,books, and the guitar, caribou...coffee every am, brigids...harps, irish bowling, js, iverson drug...lots of pharmacy stuff, diamond point...swimming cell phone, windsurfing, star gazing, reading, the airport, the studio, slims...shots and hick music ;), babe the blue ox, art in the park, the dock the geese like, green mill on the lake...can I go back?
after i had made sure that i had removed all condoms that my coworkers stuck to my roof-rack and wiped all the vaseline off the door handles...i took my sweet ass driving home (55 mph). the weather is gross, windy and foggy, here in duluth....can i go back?
my apartment is not yet mine...there are boxes everywhere...sb still is working on moving. can i go back?
i left my heart with someone...can i go back?
i drove around bemidj for an hour this morning soaking it all in...so many places that i have frequented and not so frequented and with so many wonderful peeps. the cabin...coffee,books, and the guitar, caribou...coffee every am, brigids...harps, irish bowling, js, iverson drug...lots of pharmacy stuff, diamond point...swimming cell phone, windsurfing, star gazing, reading, the airport, the studio, slims...shots and hick music ;), babe the blue ox, art in the park, the dock the geese like, green mill on the lake...can I go back?
after i had made sure that i had removed all condoms that my coworkers stuck to my roof-rack and wiped all the vaseline off the door handles...i took my sweet ass driving home (55 mph). the weather is gross, windy and foggy, here in duluth....can i go back?
my apartment is not yet mine...there are boxes everywhere...sb still is working on moving. can i go back?
i left my heart with someone...can i go back?
Check this out
In the boredom that ensues after your internship has ended, crappy weather prevails and things not going as planned...I have been cruising around the web and found this. So if anyone besides myself reads anything that I post, go there.
8.16.2005
T-24 hours
Only one day left of...a wonderful costep with IHS, awesome coworkers, bemidji, dorm life, relaxing, too much time on my hands, no school, running from a reality that I had created, living a real life, uncharted territory, good friends that I will inevitably lose touch with, small town living, caribou coffee with ice every morning, a shower in flipflops, the train in the middle of the night, leisure reading, no responsibilities, long naps, having time to think, eating out alot, thinking if you will call, contemplating if Iwill see you again before we move away...
All of my belonging are packed in Banana Republic bags awaiting their trip to the car with a final duluth destination...there is one more grand pharmacy outing planned for tomorrow night...robin has assured me that we won't get arrested (good call!)...then it's back to a life that I have to mend and try to make it my own again. Although I am not sure if I was ever in possession of it.
I am sad, this is so hard, I don't want to leave...this has become my home. Yes, a kitchen and my own bathroom would be a bonus, but definitely not deal breakers.
I have so many things to say...but no proper venue to express them...so for now they will remain out there.
This is a bit oscillatory...but that's me...deal.
All of my belonging are packed in Banana Republic bags awaiting their trip to the car with a final duluth destination...there is one more grand pharmacy outing planned for tomorrow night...robin has assured me that we won't get arrested (good call!)...then it's back to a life that I have to mend and try to make it my own again. Although I am not sure if I was ever in possession of it.
I am sad, this is so hard, I don't want to leave...this has become my home. Yes, a kitchen and my own bathroom would be a bonus, but definitely not deal breakers.
I have so many things to say...but no proper venue to express them...so for now they will remain out there.
This is a bit oscillatory...but that's me...deal.
8.15.2005
the boot
This is the beuke family farm fence post cover...this boot has been here as long as I can remember. No one seems to know why it's there or how it got there...but this describes most things on the farm. They are there just because one us didn't believe the trash can was good enough for it. I miss you all and happy birthday grandma...much love. 8.14.2005
Empowerment
On my road trip with MO this weekend, we were discussing the end to my stay in Bemidji and my homecoming to an empty apartment. I have never lived alone in an apartment, without roommate or family, so I am a bit frightened, ie. scared that I will fail miserably. Living at BSU all summer has given me taste of "alone" living but this is different. This is dorm life, were you leave your door open in order to meet the people that walk by, that doesn't happen in real life. If I did that in my neighborhood, there would be homeless people stopping in for lunch, not that I wouldn't like to feed them, but I don't have food for myself.
MO has lived alone for a year or so and loves it. She believes that living alone and being able to hang with one's self is empowering. Knowing that you are able to do this, being independant, and not having to depend on others for entertainment, comfort, money, etc... gives one a better sense of themselves. Is this why I feel so lost at times, I don't know how to hang out with myself? Is this a disservice that has been rendered upon me by too many years of financially strapped college? Or was this a product of my childhood, big family...small house...dependant on everyone to make all things work? Or that I took care of my brothers more than I thought about myself because that's what my family needed at the time?
Empowerment is defined as an investment of power or to equip or supply with power. How do I apply that to myself?
An investment of power...to equip or supply with power? I think only practice will make perfect; spend time alone...read, quilt, clean, sleep, study, write, dream, paint, hike, bike, relax, reflect, meditate, exercise, run.
As I compile this list, I realize that these are all solitary activities that I already partake. Maybe it takes someone to point out that you can do something in order for you, yourself, to believe as much.
So, why am I so scared, why do I think I will fail, what happens if I fail, who will I call, will anyone understand? I am scared because I never had to try this before...and I've never wanted to. I readily self-proclaim that I don't like doing things alone and hanging out with myself. This proclaimation had to be thrown out the window in May with no turning back, now I must figure this out for myself and my sanity. I can't fail at this, it's not possible, everyone can do this, they just might not be good at it.
MO has lived alone for a year or so and loves it. She believes that living alone and being able to hang with one's self is empowering. Knowing that you are able to do this, being independant, and not having to depend on others for entertainment, comfort, money, etc... gives one a better sense of themselves. Is this why I feel so lost at times, I don't know how to hang out with myself? Is this a disservice that has been rendered upon me by too many years of financially strapped college? Or was this a product of my childhood, big family...small house...dependant on everyone to make all things work? Or that I took care of my brothers more than I thought about myself because that's what my family needed at the time?
Empowerment is defined as an investment of power or to equip or supply with power. How do I apply that to myself?
An investment of power...to equip or supply with power? I think only practice will make perfect; spend time alone...read, quilt, clean, sleep, study, write, dream, paint, hike, bike, relax, reflect, meditate, exercise, run.
As I compile this list, I realize that these are all solitary activities that I already partake. Maybe it takes someone to point out that you can do something in order for you, yourself, to believe as much.
So, why am I so scared, why do I think I will fail, what happens if I fail, who will I call, will anyone understand? I am scared because I never had to try this before...and I've never wanted to. I readily self-proclaim that I don't like doing things alone and hanging out with myself. This proclaimation had to be thrown out the window in May with no turning back, now I must figure this out for myself and my sanity. I can't fail at this, it's not possible, everyone can do this, they just might not be good at it.
Phil and Molly's wedding festivities
Phil and Molly are good friends from pharmacy school. This weekend they tied the knot in one of the most fun weddings I have attended in long time. It was like a mini-pharmacy reunion, even though we will all reconvene in 2 weeks for one more year of hellish-paced learning. We all stayed in the same hotel...someone should have warned them this wasn't bright...and danced the night away on the miniature dance floor.
In an attempt to preserve hysterical history... a listing of funnies and pictures follows...if you need further explanation ask CC, MO, AH or JB...
..."I want to brush my teeth", new crowned Wine Spiller #3, "we have to go" (the spider), "can I just kiss you", "your name is Jasmine", big drunk guy scaling the pool fence in tux, neck pain, man-nurse, the reasoning behind the name tube, Jag-bombs, "your name is Angela", "I'm shitfaced", "he's trainable", Spitz educating wee folk on picking up "the ladies", Daniel dancing, bubbles, why they call hime TUBE, "can I get you something to drink", AH getting carded more than once, TC's new girl singing Madonna songs, offending the med student, long-lost distant cousins, seven hour drive home, lazy river, the table drama, "big hands", and finally the crib on the jeep....
All the photos, above were taken while sober...
In an attempt to preserve hysterical history... a listing of funnies and pictures follows...if you need further explanation ask CC, MO, AH or JB...
..."I want to brush my teeth", new crowned Wine Spiller #3, "we have to go" (the spider), "can I just kiss you", "your name is Jasmine", big drunk guy scaling the pool fence in tux, neck pain, man-nurse, the reasoning behind the name tube, Jag-bombs, "your name is Angela", "I'm shitfaced", "he's trainable", Spitz educating wee folk on picking up "the ladies", Daniel dancing, bubbles, why they call hime TUBE, "can I get you something to drink", AH getting carded more than once, TC's new girl singing Madonna songs, offending the med student, long-lost distant cousins, seven hour drive home, lazy river, the table drama, "big hands", and finally the crib on the jeep....
All the photos, above were taken while sober...
Then, the force over took them and "T" got ahold of the camera... Yes, those fuzzy people are dancing.
All-in-all, a fantastic time was had by all. Congrats to Molly and Phil...
8.12.2005
---isms...
Everyone has there own ecletic array of words or phrases that they use that are...just them. In my circle of friends there are many of these -isms floating around. In an effort to document the changing use of the english language, I will publish some of them here...with some definitions for all of you who don't know these people.
- blazing--fast
- "off like a herd of birds"
- smitten kitten
- "all skin and no bones" -what does this mean?
- i'm like kleenex-random and fluffy--(sorry js, this doesn't work for you!)
- shocking!!
- inappropriate--used very frequently, it is very funny
- i just thru up a little in my mouth--just realized this was from dodgeball
- commander dude--yes, this one is all mine!
- tool
- what a douche bag!--this is reserved for very stupid people
There are more...i know it...I will continue to think and add as they come to me. As you can see it was a uneventful day of not working...yah! Only three days left in Bemidji!
8.10.2005
Running...
running i have missed you...even though you tried to off me today by throwing a tree root on top of my toes...i will forgive you. we will play again soon...maybe tomorrow...630? my running shoes are beaming at me from the corner, they too are happy. they don't enjoy trampsing around the tile in the pharmacy as much as they like kicking my ass on the blacktop...good to see you again too shoes....but we will have to work harder tomorrow because mcdonald's french fries called my name after i left you this evening...whoops. ;)
running makes me sleep and get rid of the screaming inside my head...it was loud today...so i ran fast and took many breaks to look at the lake and laugh at the ducks...and now i shall sleep.
running makes me sleep and get rid of the screaming inside my head...it was loud today...so i ran fast and took many breaks to look at the lake and laugh at the ducks...and now i shall sleep.
8.09.2005
quarter life update
A solution to the quarter life crisis is still in motion...if you are unfamiliar with this crisis please refer to the quadra-pod. I have done a lot of "me" searching this summer and have done a lot of pleasure reading...yes, it does happen...hence the following entry.
A long time ago, a LB suggested that I read "The Alchemist"--but I thought to myself, how can such a small book contain such a great message? After reading, it is not that I was not aware of all of the propecies and philosophies about life that this book tells of, but sometimes it takes many people and may different ways to realize the main message.
Words of wisdom for Jill, remember these they are important:
Don't be afraid of success or love or danger or life, learn to listen to your heart carefully, it will lead the way on all of your many adventures. Try to recapture that feeling from when you were young and invicible...use it to attain your dreams...even if they change daily...every change ultimately leads to the same place...happiness and love.
As I sit and read what I just wrote it sounds so corny and unrealistic in this fast paced world that we live in. Even if the world has evolved into fast and unforgiving the ultimate underlying principles should be the same, right? Does everyone have this lost or not quite on kilter feeling every once in a while?
Goals written for self: think before you jump, not because it will hurt but because it might be the wrong direction...fight for your dreams and success...remember that everything happens for a reason...and above all, listen to your heart.
A long time ago, a LB suggested that I read "The Alchemist"--but I thought to myself, how can such a small book contain such a great message? After reading, it is not that I was not aware of all of the propecies and philosophies about life that this book tells of, but sometimes it takes many people and may different ways to realize the main message.
Words of wisdom for Jill, remember these they are important:
Don't be afraid of success or love or danger or life, learn to listen to your heart carefully, it will lead the way on all of your many adventures. Try to recapture that feeling from when you were young and invicible...use it to attain your dreams...even if they change daily...every change ultimately leads to the same place...happiness and love.
As I sit and read what I just wrote it sounds so corny and unrealistic in this fast paced world that we live in. Even if the world has evolved into fast and unforgiving the ultimate underlying principles should be the same, right? Does everyone have this lost or not quite on kilter feeling every once in a while?
Goals written for self: think before you jump, not because it will hurt but because it might be the wrong direction...fight for your dreams and success...remember that everything happens for a reason...and above all, listen to your heart.
8.08.2005
Home Sweet Duluth, part II
This is attempt number 2 to post this...internet explorer is not playing nice and has crashed twice.
One more simple pleasure to share and photo of one of my favorite Duluth "spots"
red star
One more simple pleasure to share and photo of one of my favorite Duluth "spots"
Fitger's Brewhouse, Tap Room and the Red Star
so many memories
so many excellent times
the brewhouse
beers from imagination
bananas with hint of clove
amazing
triathalon
lester river ipa
lighthouse golden
brewed on site
brass vats and rubber boots
chicken quesadillas with
guacamole
local acoustic music
Charlie Parr
contemplation
gossip
rant
tap room
smokey
dark
trampled by turtles
johnny holms
sings margaritaville
and songs by nelly
gb leighton
beautiful sound
everyone
jump in unison
red star martini bar
smokey
seems exclusive
space ship-ism
couches on the wall
dj in the corner
3 in 1 shaker
don't drive
walk
And now for one of my favorite running spots and quiet places...few cars, breezy, water and trees for miles, 3 miles from downtown, lester river right around the corner, beautiful and did I mention quiet.
PJ RIP
Peter Jennings died today...
I am a news junky...everyday...as much as I can fit in. I watched this man for hours on September 11th...I remembering feeling lost...and then not so lost because this guy was lost too.
Rest in peace.
I am a news junky...everyday...as much as I can fit in. I watched this man for hours on September 11th...I remembering feeling lost...and then not so lost because this guy was lost too.
Rest in peace.
8.07.2005
Namesake
Fireflies in the Garden
Here come real stars to fill the upper skies,
And here on earth come emulating flies,
That though they never equal stars in size,
(And they were never really stars at heart)
Achieve at times a very star-like start.
Only, of course, they can't sustain the part.
-Robert Frost
Here come real stars to fill the upper skies,
And here on earth come emulating flies,
That though they never equal stars in size,
(And they were never really stars at heart)
Achieve at times a very star-like start.
Only, of course, they can't sustain the part.
-Robert Frost
This Is HELL!
It is a breezy, due to the fan, 115 degrees in my new digs. Yep, I'm loving it, ugggh! This must be what hell is like.
For reasons that don't make a whole lot of sense, the BSU staff has decided that I should move out of my prison cell at one end of campus to conference housing. Ok, whatever. Pros of this, queen size bed (2 twins together), carpet and no flourscent lighting...cons...no in-room bathroom and it is so fricking hot in here.
Sleep will be an issue...solution...shower, no clothes, some alcohol and benadryl. How's that for pharmaceutical intervention :)
For reasons that don't make a whole lot of sense, the BSU staff has decided that I should move out of my prison cell at one end of campus to conference housing. Ok, whatever. Pros of this, queen size bed (2 twins together), carpet and no flourscent lighting...cons...no in-room bathroom and it is so fricking hot in here.
Sleep will be an issue...solution...shower, no clothes, some alcohol and benadryl. How's that for pharmaceutical intervention :)
8.06.2005
Home Sweet Duluth...
The most beautiful weather and lake view greeted me when I came rolling down the interstate today, into my town, Duluth. The sky and the water were inseperable blues without a cloud in the sky and a lite breeze...perfect, rare Duluth weather. It is as if it is lying to me about what I know to be the true weather of the region, fog and cold. But it has worked, I love it here and will always hold a special place in my heart for it. Duluth helps one to realize how to make the most of each moment, something that carries over into recent life experiences.
How do I make the most? sit and enjoy the sites and sounds of the wind through the August maple leaves (a bit crispy), know that they will change the colors of the fall rainbow soon, take lots of photos (mental and digital), drive 7 bridges road and try to listen for the sound of the Lester River over the rock beneath you, run on the Lakewalk, watch an ore boat go through the canal and marvel at how people come out of the woodwork to watch this everyday occurence, go for a drive on the North Shore and maybe later we will go sit under the stars and let the moon shine on us, mosquito free.
My time in Bemidji for this summer comes to an end very soon, and I am so torn as to whether I am happy to go or sad. This little town, 2 hours from Canada, has provided me with nearly all my entertainment, drama and comfortable, quiet living for nearly 3 months. It was a move that I had once envisioned was going to be difficult, but it was one of the easiest, most necessary things I have ever done. And now my Duluth, is whispering my name louder everyday...come back to your hurried, chaotic life. Come sit on the fire escape and solve the world problems over a beer or glass of wine (It makes me smile just thinking about it). But it is so loud and "metropolis-like" (don't laugh, I think this is a big place) here, sirens everywhere, people everywhere, new food co-op, apartment building and Quinzno's down the street and the energy of a college and tourist town.
Sufficed to say that I will make the most of my remaining week and a half in Bemidji: sit, listen, laugh, photos, see you laters (never goodbyes, I will see you all again, someday, somewhere).
How do I make the most? sit and enjoy the sites and sounds of the wind through the August maple leaves (a bit crispy), know that they will change the colors of the fall rainbow soon, take lots of photos (mental and digital), drive 7 bridges road and try to listen for the sound of the Lester River over the rock beneath you, run on the Lakewalk, watch an ore boat go through the canal and marvel at how people come out of the woodwork to watch this everyday occurence, go for a drive on the North Shore and maybe later we will go sit under the stars and let the moon shine on us, mosquito free.
My time in Bemidji for this summer comes to an end very soon, and I am so torn as to whether I am happy to go or sad. This little town, 2 hours from Canada, has provided me with nearly all my entertainment, drama and comfortable, quiet living for nearly 3 months. It was a move that I had once envisioned was going to be difficult, but it was one of the easiest, most necessary things I have ever done. And now my Duluth, is whispering my name louder everyday...come back to your hurried, chaotic life. Come sit on the fire escape and solve the world problems over a beer or glass of wine (It makes me smile just thinking about it). But it is so loud and "metropolis-like" (don't laugh, I think this is a big place) here, sirens everywhere, people everywhere, new food co-op, apartment building and Quinzno's down the street and the energy of a college and tourist town.
Sufficed to say that I will make the most of my remaining week and a half in Bemidji: sit, listen, laugh, photos, see you laters (never goodbyes, I will see you all again, someday, somewhere).
8.05.2005
Art imitating Life?!
Last night was puncuated with lots of culture, white and red wine, Munch-ems and Cranium. Does life get any better?
Imagine a few girls from work, who will remain nameless, get together to play an innocent game of Cranium in BFE...or so I thought. The myth that girls minds do not reside in the gutter is just that, a MYTH...but oh so hysterical...I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee.
There were several events that stuck out this morning over the wine hangover...
Word of the week....Hemmorhoid. How is such a word decided on, you say to yourself? Simple...via Polaroid? See attached art work....
Then there is the ultimate art imitating life moment...
What is this?
Oscillating on Easter Island, of course! JS, this is for you...hehe.
One last revelation...BJ is not a good reference for a superior...but so funny if you know what the letters stand for, it is not what you think...get you mind out of the gutter.
Imagine a few girls from work, who will remain nameless, get together to play an innocent game of Cranium in BFE...or so I thought. The myth that girls minds do not reside in the gutter is just that, a MYTH...but oh so hysterical...I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee.
There were several events that stuck out this morning over the wine hangover...
Word of the week....Hemmorhoid. How is such a word decided on, you say to yourself? Simple...via Polaroid? See attached art work....
Then there is the ultimate art imitating life moment...
What is this?
Oscillating on Easter Island, of course! JS, this is for you...hehe.
One last revelation...BJ is not a good reference for a superior...but so funny if you know what the letters stand for, it is not what you think...get you mind out of the gutter.
8.02.2005
My photography endeavor...
Last fall, I rewarded myself for making it one more semester on my journey towards becoming a pharmacist with a new digital camera. I have always had a passion for looking at things and trying to take pictures of them, so I bought one with optional manual settings. Fast forward to one year later and I still am yet to figure it out...f-stop, shutter speed, focusing, film speed, flash...I think they relate to each other. Anyway, one of my coworker lent me a digital photography book...I am on read thru number 3 and still don't have the foggiest. Check out this awesome photo I took of the street in front of my living quarters...
I think there is something wrong?! This other one is pretty cool though I think...
simple blurry bench. It is pretty evident that world class photography is not speeding my way. This devastating news was quickly relieved with DQ frozen treat.
8.01.2005
Happiness
Don't close your eyes, this is your life, is this who you want to be? -some band
NO!
I don't want to be vulnerable, I just want to be happy, I hate having to
NO!
I don't want to be vulnerable, I just want to be happy, I hate having to
fight for everything, I want inner peace, I wish my heart would get
back inside of my chest and off my sleeve!
What makes me happy?
smiling.laughing.music.rhythm.windinmyhair.water.innerpeace.
What makes me happy?
smiling.laughing.music.rhythm.windinmyhair.water.innerpeace.
beingloved.calmness.relaxation.comfort.beingsurroundedbyothers.
makingadifferencetosomeoneelse.makingapatientsmile.intelligence.
commonsense.innerbeauty.sunnydays.success.friends.mountainair.
wildlife.culture.diversity.truth.fast.flowers. indulgenceinsimplethings
Tomorrow will be better.
Tomorrow will be better.
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