the cult has captured me!

I got one! I got an Ipod! A little baby Nano one.! It is the cutest little piece of expensive electronics. It was like unwrapping a space ship. The Apple marketing department is incredible. Not only have they convinced me to buy one but I keep wanting to put it back in the little box to unwrap it again. Alas, I will resist the urge.

are you serious...?

Went to the eye doc today because I though my vision was failing me...blurring images, oscillatory focus, etc. (Jo-it's not diabetes!) He dilates my eyes so I look like an alien and will be totally unproduction all day. Suck-0 because it's like 80 degrees and beautiful outside.

Prognosis: Evidently, I have a disease they like to refer to as focusing too hard on reading. What? I thought I was supposed to focus when I read? This is an extensive of my neurotic behavior, I'm sure of it.

Solution: Wear your reading glasses like he told you to a year ago.

music

Why is it that listening to music in headphones is so more intimate? It is just me in my own big, spinning world. It is my new found hobby; to let all the demons of the day escape. There is an optimal volume: loud. An optimal song: nothing mainstream. An optimal beat: acoustic guitars and a great voice, that I imagine is singing to me and only me. It reminds me of a rainy, glorious, difficult day in B-town at the coffee shop. What a great memory!

play of the game

...sliding into left field chasing a fly ball...

good advice...

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

speaking of vivid dreams

yes, still studying I swear...reading about efavirenz and it causes vivid dreams.

i have vivid dreams all the time, my friends can atest to that. i am having flashbacks of a dream that i had last night. it was torturous and my stomach is flipping just thinking about it.

Dave...dave was back and I was in Bemidji. Evidently he was rejected from the military they figured out that he was crazy and incompetent. Don't know Dave. Well, Dave has brought us side shows such as-

1. "i hate you" (yes! still laughing, who says that to someone?)
2. "you are the reason men hate women" (i had to bite my lip not to laugh out loud)
3. "you and monica are the most bitter women i've ever met" (yessss, what a word!)
4. "you make me want to be a better man" (barf...)
5. "i am so glad you didn't talk about me behind my back to my friends" (damn straight i did, and honestly they thought you were crazy too)
6. "can we just date each other?" (what? i wasn't aware that we were even thinking about that, I am just eating pizza here!)

Now if you are not convinced that this person is absolutely looney tunes--you may have a problem. This dude was crazeeee! Do you see why the dream was sooo creepy?

uggghhh!

check engine light has magically appeared....there goes my dreams of an ipod. (interject temper tantrum here!)

age before beauty...

A first year said this to me the other day and I was totally taken back...what did she mean that I was old or that she was prettier than me. Either way, I was losing.
I have been told so many times that one's twenties are the most difficult times of one's adult life. I can see that which is probably evident by the personal struggle that is openly published here. As I sat studying for hours today, I had a revelation about the things in my life that have become so much better with time or "age"
There is a much greater appreciation for art, independant films and music, not the kind they play on the radio but the stuff that plays at the small club downtown. My television show appreciation has evolved greatly, it is now readily apparent why Seinfeld and Sex in the City had such a huge following. And honestly, Friends no longer holds a near and dear spot in my heart.
Elderly folks rock my world. They have so much insight into the world; how it is and how it was. They say the greatest things and are so willing to share. This transects into my love for another population, small children. They are the greatest and like the elderly are so willing to share.
My time is so important these days. My life alone has been for the most part, fabulous. I have learn what great friends and family I have.
Age before Beauty?....you're are correct and much wiser, young grasshopper.

horrible movie

save your money for a rainy day when your car breaks down in west BFE, to pay the serial killer to take you to the local gas station. "40-year-old virgin"--horrible...some funny moments that are totally cancelled out by the weirdness that occurs at the end. The story line revolves around, well the title, not much imagination there. See a movie with a plot that further the intellect of America.

what is that racket?

it is raining cats and dogs and the fog horn is going off every 5 minutes. this means that i cannot possibly study at home. don't know what the fog horn sounds like...never fear UMD has the sound posted on the bottom of their webpage. Check it out and make it go off every 5 minutes...we can be fog horn twins!

don't think mom would approve...

have been claimed as someone's future wife because i can do shots of jag. don't worry, i walked away quickly.

on a side note--it must have been north branch-forest lake reunion last night at frankies...i counted no less than 20 people that i knew from home. And subsequentely tried to avoid like the plaque....ewwww! it's just not right that you have been divorced more times than i have been married and that you think i still am interested in the friends that i had in high school. take note if i wanted to know i would probably still be in contact with them; but thanks for the update.

anemias

Alli and I borrowed some notes from the second years to study up on anemias, 'cause we forgot some vital info. Evidently they were unaware of the incriminating evidence that they handed of to us. It is confirmed men think of boobs, or as they described and drew "ta-ta's", even while studying anemia of chronic disease. Big picture: AD draws stick figure pictures of profs with big "tata's" in the margins...degrading, yes. Hysterical study break...oh, yeah!

fun times in the middle of the night...

I am studying geriatrics and being very productive...well, not exactly. I have so much to do I don't really know where to start. There are two exams tomorrow that are calling my name and I have only studied for one of them...oops. I guess that 4 hour nap today wasn't necessary afterall. Instead of studying what better thing to do than post a survey via Jo-mama.

1. What time is it? 12:46 am
2. Name: Jillene “inspector” Beuke
3. Piercing: 2
4. What is the most recent movie you've seen in the theater? Wedding Crashers
5. Eye color: Blue
6. Place of birth: Cambridge, MN
7. Favorite food: Ice Cream
8. Ever been to Africa: NO
9. Ever been toilet papering (rolling): Yes
10. Love someone so much it made you cry: Too much!
11. Been in a car accident: Yes
12. Croutons or bacon bits: Croutons
13. Favorite day of the Week. Saturday
14. Favorite restaurant: Pizza Luce’
15. Favorite Flower: Pansies
16. Favorite sport to watch: Soccer
17. Favorite Drink: Marguerites
18. Favorite flavor of ice cream: Strawberry Cheesecake
19. Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney (Just Keep Swimming)
20. Favorite fast food restaurant : Chipolte
21. What color is your bedroom carpet? Turd brown
22. How many times you failed your driver's test? None
23. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail: Amanda PD2
24. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card: Nordstrom
25. What do you do most often when you are bored: Sleep
26. Bedtime : How much studying I have to do…1-2 am
30. Favorite TV shows: ER and House MD
31. Last person you went to dinner with : Missy, Jen and Carolyn
32. Ford or Chevy: neither
33. What are you listening to right now: some band from Eau Claire, WI
34.What is your favorite color: Green
35. How many tattoos do you have: none
36. How many pets do you have? zero
37.What came first, the chicken or the chicken egg? The egg

Riveting, eh?

another big one

So...another giant f---ing hurricane is out there... Did you know that Galveston, TX is an island only 8 feet above sea level? I am sensing a problem arising. Here's what happened to the islands off the coast of Gulfport when katrina came through and over.

I often wonder....

does he miss me? does he think about what i do everyday? does he care that he has 3 adult kids who are successful to some degree and are attaining their dreams?

not so long ago, all i wanted, was for him to have time for me. just me.

obviously that never happened or i won't be wondering about these things out loud. he has no time for me...last time he called he quickly turned him bluetooth reciever over to grandma to go take a shower...why did you call?

there are so many ways to find me, to talk to me, to care about me...

the most recent moment of avoidance...the town that my bros and i grew up in...decimated. would you call to remember the things they remembered, to inquire about their mental health, to see if they were dealing and how?

what happens the day i get married? what happens when i have kids? what happens when i graduate again? when will he start being a parent? i know the painfully apparent answers to all of these questions...but still i ask.

why today? i was not studying, reading some blogs and i came across this one. if only mine would verbalize this to me.

the wild creature

the skunk is back...cute little fellow...in downtown duluth...i saw him wobble under my car like a drunk pengiun...and, yes, i thought it was a cat again at first site

speech writer extraordinare

very funny little video about how to write a speech, complete with a "flying squirrel" component...

got...gotten...unprecedented

Reading the transcript of Mr Bush's speech this evening a few things are blaring annoying and strike a nerve....

1. Attention speechwriters and Mr Bush: do not include the words got, gotten, ain't, etc. in speeches to your great nation. Yes, I realize that a great percent of your nation reads below the eighth grade, but your language offends me and many others. I am not stupid. Please don't speak to me like you are about to serve me gumbo at the local cafe, you are supposed to be the leader of our great nation. I realize that you want people to identify with you and understand what you are saying. So does the daily paper and I believe they must write stories below the sixth or eighth grade, they are not offensive.
2. "When the houses are rebuilt, more families should own, not rent, those houses." Before you "give" homes to impovershed peoples who have minimal education and are barely able to live; take a look at what the federal government has done for the American Indian in that respect. It didn't work out very well, as a starter.
3. "I will listen to good ideas from Congress"--good, you do that! For the rest of us who are not under your cult spell, we know that no idea comes from congress without some set back in another area. Maybe I am being to critical; maybe by some twist of fate, common sense will prevail and many good things will come out of this horrible situation.
4. "Weapons of mass destruction" Again, really, get a new mantra. That's not what is about. Yes, you are talking about protecting large populations from many things that are beyond our control, but you need a new catch phrase. Are the evil people coming again, as well?
5. "It was not a normal hurricane..." Is there such a thing as a "normal" hurricane? I am pretty sure that they are a relatively rare phenomenon for which there is a season, and they have a personality all their own. Go hang out with a meteorologist and learn about w-e-a-t-h-e-r.
6. Oh yeah, one last thing. If you have to pee, get up and go. Yep, you are a big boy!

put both legs over the fence and run...

It occured to me today that I am all grown up, have nearly completed my professional education, and it is nearly necessary for me to move towards the light know as a career. The important question, what do you want to do Jill? Who do you want to affect? Where do you want to work? What would be the most rewarding?

It has been a popular discussion piece, of late, with my mom and her desire for me to "find myself". This conversation has revolved around the ideal that I should focus on myself and not date anyone due to the recent failure a very longterm relationship and then, the communication breakdown with one of the most fascinating person I think I have ever met. Yes, those events sucked and still wear on me at times. However, I think the more pressing issue of "finding myself" needs to focus on finding what I want to do in life because my heart will lead its own way other fronts.

So, why am I writing about this? Why is this bothering me today? Because they want me to write a "vision" for my future pharmacy practice! What, I have to decide something and write it down? Eek! This assignment is therefore tightly intertwined with what I believe I want to do with my professional life. I don't know.

There are many things that I do know. I want to help patients more than anything. I want to see and talk to patients...to make their day, makes mine. I don't want to pour, count, lick and stick (ie. walgreens will never be my home, ever!) . I want access to the whole patient not just the prescription. I want to have a great working relationship with other providers. I want to work in a small setting where I know everyone (reminds me of that Cheers song). I want to do something different for my community that will improve their quality of life. I want to love my job and love to get up in the morning.

Another issue that weighs heavily is the recent disaster. I ask myself, why is important that I find myself when so many others have lost all they have and essentially themselves...their "vision"?

I heard a couple of things today in class that I thought were very pivotal to my search. Plan not to fail. Have a lack of fear. Have passion. My fortune that is taped to my computer that I see everyday says "nothing in the world is accomplished without passion"

Everyone else thinks and evidently knows you are a strong person who can do anything, when are you going to get on the bandwagon? So...like the heading says and the folks at Niagra Falls are not condoning...put both legs over the fence and run...

Picture this...

Allison's cat, clover, fell in the toilet this morning...

quote of the day!

"what the hell does that mean?" Spitz ....overhead via ITV during biopharmaceutics this afternoon. The ritalin kid was a little perplexed at the uproar but then he tried to explain the normalization of units of flux! Please refer to the opening line if you are still confused.

Hope there's a palm tree...

didn't you want to dig a hole to china to get away from your 'rents when you were a child? well evidently you didn't use the globe properly or we would have figured out that would end up on some island in the indian ocean. no child will ever have this dilemma again with the advent of google. i checked it out and i hope to be digging to a tropical island with 4 palm trees, a pool (don't fancy saltwater), feather bed and a very, cute english pool boy ;) Going to shop for a new suit and tanning oil now!

this show is fabulous

Chillin' here on the plaid-40-year-old-couch, researching benzo's in the elderly...and...watching TV-good study habit, huh?! Any who...I've come across this fabulous show on Fox called House...yes, it's about medicine and the practice of...on some peculiar level. The attending pain killer addicted attending getting loaded with a deathrow inmate who drank copier toner...what does this have to do with anything you say? Well, methanol in toner is toxic, ethanol helps get rid of the toxin that is a byproduct of metabolism...fascinating, eh? okay, back to the benzo's...that sounds bad...whoops!

Death by Powerpoint syndrome

In previous posts, I have commented on the ridiculous practice of reading every piece of information put on a slide aloud and not including any new info in your repertiore. Well, evidently I am not the only one who believes this is a terrible injustice....read on.

Although, there was a light at the end of the powerpoint tunnel today, an MD lectured today and brought a patient with him. It was fascinating. She was the cutest lady, who was very afflicted with Parkinson's. She was sharing with us things about her disease and I retained more than I probably would have with a slide show. Yes, technology did get in the way but we've all gotten used to it (parkinson's patients don't talk very loud) . Watching everything on TV is like second nature now.

Look Mom...a saltie!

Under the bridge and dreaming...

the visual is permanent!

I can't get this visual out of my head. It keeps making me laugh out loud to myself. I will preface this story with the fact that my favorite word is poop! Yes, very childish...but it always has and will make me laugh. As a clarification, I don't like looking at poop, only saying and hearing the word. So...back to the story at hand....

Yesterday, in my extremely hungover daze, I went to a picnic on Park Point with 80 some other peeps from school. At 3 pm, had to pee for the first time, not a good sign. In scoping out the situation found three port-o-potties, cruised on over and it was not a good scene at first smell. Oh, did I mention it was like 110 degrees outside.

So, after that adventure, several questions arose....Who poops on the floor of the jimmy johnnie? The place isn't that big, how did you manage that? Do people conserve on the amount/size of turd they lay at home in order to lay a "ginormous" one in the port-o-john? OMG. Giant. Did they have to be rushed to the hospital right after?

In reference to the floor turd-layer, my friend Justin describes it best..."so I opened the door and there on the floor was the biggest turd monster I've ever seen, equipped with fangs, eyes and everything, it was the scariest thing I've ever seen...so then I went to the other one and as I am peeing I was totally captivated by the size of the giant turd gently laying on the top, I couldn't stop looking..." So you might not think this is funny but I was and am again laughing and about ready to fall off my chair.

Poop is the greatest word ever....but it is stinky!

where were you?

organic chemistry lab first semester of my junior at UWRF

the world stopped turning for just a split second...

but we are americans and we are a nation that is resilent

they thought they were taking something away from us

but they only made us stronger and started a fire that still burns on

we are americans...we are fighters and we will fight on

government officials are just that officials but we are a nation

they may make decisions that try to divide but we stick together like glue

remember to fight for your freedoms everyday

and where you were

peace

quotes of the day

Today, I told to a group of 150 student pharmacists in the explanation of a organizational postition that I hold, "I am free...". Ummmm? That didn't come out right, but as Missy and Ally would say "shit falls out of your mouth".

And while we are on the subject of profanity and speaking...some guy on the Mississippi gulf coast told Mr. Dick Cheney to "go fuck yourself...". Mr Cheney then stated that no one had ever said that to him before. Oh please, people have said that to me and I'm not a politician.

Aside from the recent disaster and not wishing that upon anyone including myself, I would have given money to see that.

the village idiot is missing!!!

"Take whatever idiot they have at the top of whatever agency and give me a better idiot. Give me a caring idiot. Give me a sensitive idiot. Just don't give me the same idiot."

--quoting Jefferson Parish president Aaron Broussard during this evenings 48 hours...

Well stated.

Tribes

Common sense and utter annoyance at the state of things...and a great read...I might not agree with everything but it is worth the 15 minute read.

Principles of vaccination--pharmacists can vaccinate in MN!

Are you bored yet? 'Cause I am.
Here's what I have learned or relearned so far: live vaccines are CI'ed in immunocomprised patients (duh!), passive and active immunity, you can mix any vaccine except cholera and yellow fever, and some other stuff. Don't get me wrong, it is great that pharmacists are able to vaccinate and help to alleviate rural health care disparities, but I have learned this info a couple of times in the last few years.
Therefore I have been cruising around the internet and the blog community with little entertainment to be had. A key came off my computer but disaster was averted and it was repaired.
I am a little peeved about the current state of media coverage of the most recent hurricane, a disaster on so many levels. Was New Orleans the only part of the country that was affected by the hurricane? I don't think so. There are so many people who live along the Gulf Coast that were also affected, why are they receive half-assed coverage and empathy?

back to the grind...tomorrow

My third year of torture starts tomorrow promptly at 9 am. Don't get me wrong, love to learn but sitting in class is usually a waste of my time. Why do professors insist on you going to class if they supply handouts and then read off of them? I can read, a tidbit of interesting info not including on the handout would be fantastic.
Went to school to pick up books and was greeted by my arch-nemesis, ewwww! He makes my skin crawl and is unable to multi-task therefore others cannot either. He is not a fan of pharmacy-so why was he hired? Oh, as a example that people with extreme mental illness have been shown to bring in lots of research dollars for the university. Why is the education of a student body not put above research dollars and projects? These people should not teach.
Came home to a car in the middle of 4th street with no occupants...odd. The peeps that live in my building and I watched the events unroll: policecar, tow truck, spectators, gawkers, then the guy who owned the car appeared from no where. The car rolled a block down the hill and hit nothing...dude, you are lucky.
Ugggg! I don't want to go back to school. But I get to see the quadra-pod and the mean girls...life could not be more complete.

the great minnesota get together

...where else can you find everything imaginable on a stick including spagetti, live info-mercials and a large assortment of quilted toaster covers. You've always wanted one of those, eh? Really, is the toaster such a taboo appliance that homemakers feel the need to hide them from the old bitties in the neighborhood? A double-blind random survey of this topic is in the planning as we speak! Results will be rivoting I'm sure.

Peace Bridge...

Niagra Falls, Ontario, Canada







What is Peace? I don't know
anymore, but this was a
beautiful, yet unbelievable site.

somalia neighbors india??

hey pin-money!
mlb thinks somalia is near india!
Christmas gift ideas #1---a globe
oh my neurotic mlb

hair tips

How many times, would you say, is normal to stick your head, hair, hand, feet, insert any other body part into the the masterpiece when painting walls?
The ends of my hair are beautifully tipped with acrylic paint. My acrylic nails are coated with acrylic paint and I have successfully left my feet prints on the hardwood floor outside the bathroom. I think I may have to call for corrective color tomorrow-splendid!
Although, I must say the color I have picked for the bathroom is quite stunning...I post pics later.

In light of recent hell in America events this seems like a very trivial thing to write or post. I don't believe, however, that my rant will make the situation better or worse. I keep up with the news in various media venues and I can't cry anymore. Money has arrived and I will donate tomorrow. As I write this, it occurs to me that all monies that enter my checkbook are from the federal government...odd? Am I contributing to their inability to lead or organize a successful rescue? Or like the woman who resigned from the FDA recently, am I contributing the future success that the government will hopefully find in 3 very, long years? Many questions, no answers!