I often wonder....

does he miss me? does he think about what i do everyday? does he care that he has 3 adult kids who are successful to some degree and are attaining their dreams?

not so long ago, all i wanted, was for him to have time for me. just me.

obviously that never happened or i won't be wondering about these things out loud. he has no time for me...last time he called he quickly turned him bluetooth reciever over to grandma to go take a shower...why did you call?

there are so many ways to find me, to talk to me, to care about me...

the most recent moment of avoidance...the town that my bros and i grew up in...decimated. would you call to remember the things they remembered, to inquire about their mental health, to see if they were dealing and how?

what happens the day i get married? what happens when i have kids? what happens when i graduate again? when will he start being a parent? i know the painfully apparent answers to all of these questions...but still i ask.

why today? i was not studying, reading some blogs and i came across this one. if only mine would verbalize this to me.